Trauma and Drama: Ms. Sylaneous's Life

BET is the new KKK? c'monnnn get real!

2011-06-28T23:37:00.003-05:00

http://newsone.com/newsone-original/boycewatkins/dr-boyce-bet-the-new-kkk/

Apparently I'm not very good with the find details of this blogging thing, BUT the link above (if you can click it, please do, if you can't please copy and paste it in your URL bar) is a pretty interesting read. It's the opinion of a man stating that BET is the new KKK. He says this because KKK was known for the terrorizing and murders of countless black men back in the day. This author alleges that media (such as BET) is now responsible for the murders of blacks by blacks.

Personally, I can't say I would EVER place the blame on media for the downfall of our black communities. I blame the lack of parenting on the downfall. I WILL agree that the media does play a role. It plays a role in 'substituting' as parent when parents are too young and ignorant to teach their kids what's right from wrong. I mean, as a child I didn't listen to 'hard core rap' in my house. BUT as soon as I was old enough to do slumber parties and go out with my friends, I was exposed to ALLLL of the negativity my parents tried to shelter me from. While they were sheltering me, they were also teaching me to NOT idolize the 'CHARACTERS' seen in the rap videos and such. So even when I heard those Tupac, Biggie, NWA lyrics, they only resonated to me as a snazzy beat to bob my head to. I NEVER had the notion to want to fight another person because of the music. I NEVER had the urge to shoot somebody JUST because the song suggested it.

So what I'm saying is, it's my opinion that we need to stop blaming the media for the short comings and look in the mirrors to see the real weapon of mass destruction in our black community- our selves!

Get it together US..... Stop pointing finger and start making points to better self and others!

WTF fella?!?!

2010-10-01T15:09:00.003-05:00

I got this video from my homie Tunde over here at http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/2010/09/what-men-really-want.html Check him out...he's got pretty good stuff over there...

Apparently I tend to enjoy the 'debates' on what women want/men want in relationships. And when I saw this video, I felt overly compelled to respond! LOL It's all in fun..with a twist of TRUTH! The video...

My Responses:
Thing #5- No...it's not that I'm a broke bitch.. We normally KEEP money because the boo normally pays for it. I'm not asking cause I don't have.. I'm asking so I can KEEP mine! LOL You not having now means you REALLY are broke and obviously DUMB to think I wouldn't already have it! :-)

Thing #4- Oh... the lil dick was ALWAYS an issue. We just kept getting what we wanted, so we tolerated and celebrated the baby paynus to boost your ego. Your boosted ego= my pockets stay on swole cause I'm spending YOUR cash that you apparently don't really have... because ..well refer to #5... LOL

Thing #3- well.. this one was just funny.. 'P*ssy ain't supposed to come with a pop quiz!' HAHAHA (oh..BUT yes- the paynus is STILL small... but I STILL need YOUR money that you probably don't really have to get my nails and hair did... LOL so yes...I will scream and act the part... refer to Numbers 5 and 4 pls!)

Thing #2- This one is funny too.. but I Wish a mudda flucka WWOOUULLLDDD lay his hands on me... LOL I'd kick him in his lil baby paynus THEN call the cops! LOL

Thing #1- YESSS I wanna know dayum it. I wanna know so I can get the neccessary tests if needed.. YESSS I wanna know..and if you say yes.. Imma be all up in yo face.. and Imma dare that you hit me..cause if you do..Imma (pls refer to #2). LOL But seriously... don't we can't handle the truth..we can handle the truth... we are just EMOTIONAL..so if you say something that's hurtful, we will react. If you tell me you cheated and I DON'T react... May I suggest that you vacate the premisis and do NOT..I repeat..do NOT eat the spaghetti! :-)

Just a little rant... that's all...

2010-10-01T14:35:00.002-05:00

Earlier today, I saw a tweet from a friend that said (in so many words):

Never take love advice from someone who is single and never take financial advice from someone who is broke

Now I've heard this before, but seriously people... WHY?!?!

Anybody stop to think that the advice the single person gives can actually be good? Anybody ever stop to think that the single person is single because he or she actually bettered them selves by DROPPING a mate who was no good? Anybody ever stop to think, 'hey, he/she might be single because he/she was tired of dragging along dead weight (the bf/gf)'. 'Hey, let me ask him/her how did he/she gather up the courage enough to break free and upgrade?' (and by upgrade in this situation, I mean from involved and miserable to single and grand). Anybody ever consider that?

And the one about the financial advice. WHY NOT take advice from a broke person? THe broke person has GOT to know how to lose money... So if he or she can tell you how to lose money..take that advice and tweek it (and by tweek it I mean- do the opposite!) Anybody ever stop to think that the broke fella/lady has learned from his or her financial mistakes and now can offer advice on how NOT to go broke? Hmmmm?!?

Yeah- sometimes cliches just sound 'profound', but are they really THAT deep? C'mon folks.. if you THINK you won't have to spit out cliches to sound all philosophical and 'deep'.

Anyway- random rants... LOL I'm done!

Ohhhh I'm telling.....

2010-08-11T18:10:00.002-05:00

Scene/situation:

Kristina and her date Michael are out for a night on the town. Kristina is enjoying her night out, dancing the night away. Michael walks away to get more drinks from the bar. In the mean time, Kristina looks over to her left to notice Eric. Not out of the ordinary because Eric is a local socialite, so no big deal right? WRONG! Eric happens to be dating Kristina's best friend Melissa. Kristina and Michael had planned a double date with Eric and Melissa but it didn't work out because Melissa told Kristina that Eric told her that he was too sick to go out, and that he was going to chill home alone for the night. As Kristina waited for Michael to return with the drinks, she sees a little young thang walk up to Eric and they engage in an embrace; one that appeared more than just friendly in nature. And immediately after the hug came a pretty long lip lock. At this point, Kristina is furious. Eric and Melissa had been dating for months now, and Kristina had seen him enteract with Melissa. He acted as if Melissa was THE ONLY ONE for him. He acted as if he'd never ever do anything to hurt her- of course, this means he wouldn't cheat.

Michael finally arrives with the drinks and notices Kristina visibly upset. Kristina gives Michael the run down. She also tells Michael what she had decided to do about the little situation unfolding in her face. Michael stongly disagreed. What was she gonna do you ask? Well, Kristina had decided to approach Eric. Not to 'cause a scene', but just to 'speak' or to make her presence known. Michael's idea was to 'leave it alone, it wasn't her business'.....

Who's right? Is Kristen doing the right thing by making her presence known to Eric? Should she tell her friend Melissa that Eric is a big fat liar and he's not sick, but out at the club lip locking with some other girl? Is Michael right? Should Kristina just leave it alone and pretend that she sees nothing and live with the fact that her BFF's love is no good? What would you do?

****I have a good idea of who will answer how! I just think it's interesting how our brains work when it's man -vs- woman'. Let's see what answers we get!*****

HAPPY COMMENTING!

That GOOD BRAIN.. crazy head game!

2010-07-10T03:33:00.003-05:00

~~The words never came out- so put the listner inside the head to see everything that's floating all around~~

I wish I could some how figure out
how to sit you right smack dab in the middle of my cerebral cortex
so you can watch my emotion as I text
It's just loungin in the frontal lobe all planned out
...shit just never makes it out my mouth.

So Imma give this brain game a try.
sit there and watch the emotions fly-

Why the FUCK you never took me seriously?
Until you were all in side the pussy
....all in my ear
telling me how good IT was... but never ME...
it was never ME.

Don't jump offensive
you're not all at fault,
I got caught...
caught up in the trickery of my parietal.
Lost in what was so visibly appealing to me
and sexually fulfilling ya see.

I forgot to step back and see
that you weren't really diggin me,
only diggin IN me.

you still with me?

I mean, seriously!!
tha dayum brain got ME open-
And I'm not copin'
with shit the way I should...
I really do wish I could...

just fix the short circut in this frontal zone!

Frontally,
I can't analytically or critically make sense of me
being so emotional over you...
what the hell did I do?
other than want us to be.
I mean,
Cerebrally, physically, sexually we were perfect- to the T
emotionally, I'm scared a bit

...just makes me sick
I never did fit
in to your world
the way I thought I'd be...

....Retrospectfully speaking Frontally
responsibility was majorly on me-
I didn't call the shots
to make you stop-
I gave you the gateway-
an open ticket to come play...
Fuckin parietal wouldn't let me say
"I need more from you"

Now you with her-

And I just gotta
mend and nurse my
medulla oblongata...

Ahhh that's good Brain...

New Projects

2010-06-06T13:29:00.005-05:00

Hello all! this won't be a long post! (can you believe it?!!?) Just a post to link my blog to my other site!

http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/veronica-trotter.html

PLEASE TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO CHECK IT OUT! IF YOU LIKE SOMETHING, YOU CAN BUY SOMETHING... IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT- SHAME ON YOU! :-) IN ALL SERIOUSNESS... PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AND FEEL FREE TO SHARE THE LINK!simply click the title 'NEW PROJECTS' and it will take you there!

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

What They Don't Know Won't Hurt Em....

2010-05-18T19:58:00.002-05:00

So I recently saw this linked to a FB page. I clicked it and was a lil ummm... confused I think. Click the link...watch the clip.... (Imma just finish ranting down below the video)

So, the little girl saw 'light/white' as good and 'dark/black' as bad. N0w, sure, that's how they do it in the movie world. The pretty little angel dressed in white is 'good' the bad villian is in all black.

NOW- did this little girl use that logic for her answers? OR did this lil girl exhibit what I like to think of conditioned subconscious unintentional racism?

*so, I just came up with that phrase, but it works right? LOL*

I'd like to think that little girl doesn't have a full grasp of the concept of what a 'white person' and a 'black person' and/or the negative stereotypes that accompany the color.

What I'm SURE she has seen and learned... is that traditional 'grab the purse with a 'dark skinned person' come near. Or the stereotypical, 'protect that kid when the 'dark skinned people come by'. Or 'quick- lock the door, dark people are coming by'. The mom claims they've never had the talk about 'races' but communication involves more than just verbal communication. A child soaks up information both positive and negative. They soak it up in all forms. They may NEVER say anything, but pay attention to their actions! From the mouths of babes... I tell ya.

So some people tend to think that silence is the key- that 'what they don't know won't hurt em', but clearly in a situation like this- what they don't know is wreaking havoc on society. Talk to your kids. Teach them what's right! Let them know that a person's skin color has NOTHING to do with being good or bad, dumb or smart, pretty and ugly.

Hell, if it helps, make some picture flash cards to drive home the point! How about a flash card of Michelle Obama to portray good with dark skin -vs- Amy Winehouse to show an example of bad with light/tatted/often dirty skin. How about one past president -vs- a current one for examples of dumb and smart? (OKAY OKAY OKAY- that was too much...LOL let me give another example for that one. BUT- keep in mind, this is MY blog, MY opinions). For 'Dumb -vs- Smart' use a pic of the All boys' school that just awared ALL their graduating sr the college scholarships THEY EARNED- yeah- they are all of the 'dark skinned' persuasion. Pair them with the 'dumb' of the lacrosse player who murdered his lacrosse GF recently... mmmm yeah, he's from the 'light skinned' group. (Pretty sure murder ain't smart or good). Pretty -vs- ugly (well this one is strictly opinion) BUT may I suggest using a pic of Gabrielle Union or Jada Pinkett Smith for the 'pretty brown/dark people' -vs- a pic of Courtney Love or a younger Dakota Fanning- yeah, those were tough to look at to me!

ANYWAY-
consider this 'vent' over now...
HOWEVER, I am going to work on another post concering a show I saw called 'What Would You Do'....ever heard of it? if not- stay tuned!

Saddened by more than the obvious!

2010-05-06T15:08:00.001-05:00

Below is a link of the Nashville Tennessee Flood 2010. With it of course are comments from viewers. Take a minute to watch this 4minute video, check a few of the comments before continuing with this blog.

Now, I don't know if any of you caught it, but there were some pretty nasty shots at the Katrina situation.

Then comments went even further left with the likes of these:

One of the comments (and I paraphrase) was along the lines of:

'Nashville flooded, we didn't stand on roofs waiting for fedearal assistance, we got out and have already started to regroup on our own.'

If you take a moment to think about it- you can't help but consider the financial difference in the two areas. New Orleans (at least the portions most affected by the flood) is not as 'affluent' as most of Nashville. When the warning about Katrina came to NOLA, the residents braced for the potential flood. (I mean, NOLA sits between the lake and the river... it will flood if somebody spit in one of the bodies of water!). So the residents knew there was potential 'bad weather' with 'potential flood', but OMG- over the hears how many bouts of 'bad weather' and 'floods' have these people survived. No doubt in my mind, they braced and prepared the best way they knew how. They prepared THEIR 'hurricane/flood' survial plans/kits. NOBODY knew Katrina's water would do what it did. So, when the leeves did break, and pumps did fail, their USUAL flood plans weren't enough... THAT's when the cries for help started. I'm sure if the NOLA residents KNEW they would have
5-20+ ft of water in and around them and homes), that they would have stayed. Do you? Then there is the issue of 'affording to leave'. Sadly, people in NOLA don't have that 'extra' money to just up and go. (MIND YOU- I'm not saying they don't have the money because they can't or don't work or because they gamble/drink it away... the point I'm trying to make is that... THERE ISN'T A LOT OF MONEY for the MAJORITY of the families that live here). Anyway- so, some of the people stranded here probably WANTED to leave, but didn't have the car. They didn't have the bus/plane/train fare. The didn't have the money for a hotel stay for God knows how long. So they opted to stay and 'wait out another NOLA flood'. Nashville on the other hand, GENERALLY SPEAKING, the population seems to be a bit better off in the financial department. THEN, how often is there a HUGE FLOOD in Nashville? SO the mention of 'flood' probably strikes the image of Katrina's flood, which prompted several to evacuate early. The city doesn't typically 'deal with' floods on the regular like NOLA- again, prompting Nashvillians to leave earlier. (I kinda equate that with people in California... tell them an earthquake is coming, they'll brace for it but won't leave...they're 'used to it'. Tell ME (in New Orleans) an earthquake is going to hit, I INSTANTLY envision Haiti, and I'm packed and OUT!)

*I removed the poster's name* where is Obama? the Fed. Government? Oh, forgot, they dont care about white people 7

ARE YOU SERIOUS poster? I know this was spawned from the Kanye moment during the awards show, but serious? Obama don't like white people? LOL isn't he part white? or other? or something? LOL ignorant comments are the worst! I did not and do not agree with Kanye's comment BUT... I can kinda..a little bit.. see his 'rationale'. I mean it DID appear that Bush pretty much was like 'FUCK YA'LL NOLA... I'm going to play golf/vacay/sleep' during the whole Katrina situation. Just seems to me that it took WAY too long for somebody to say, 'hey, let's use buses and get these people outta here'.

*poster's name removed* why isnt there the media coverage? cos obama doesnt want to be blamed for it like bush got blamed for what happaned after Katrina and plus obama is racist he dont care about white people

Now- I might be crazy for this line of thinking, but if I am crazy- it's MY BLOG and I'm allowed to be! (LOL). BUT I don't think there is real blame to be placed on anybody; at least not for the WHOLE oreals. With Katrina- New Orleans didn't flood BECAUSE of Bush. Nashville didn't flood BECAUSE of Obama. New Orleans was in a bad way (in reference to the leeves) for a long time- even PRIOR to Bush's terms.. (prob even before/during his dad's term). Katrina (the natural disaster) came. The waters rose (again- natural), the leeves broke (HERE is the issue!). Now- was the pressure just so much that the leeves would have broken EVEN IF THEY had been repaired and pumps had been repaired when the first 'issues' were brough up? Who friggin knows... WHAT WE DO KNOW is that the leeves needed repair. The pumps needed revamping PRIOR to this flood... SO Katrina (the natural disaster) was quite possibly made worse by MAN's oversight/mistake/neglegence. Nashville on the other hand,was rain, and rain only (as far as I know it). I did hear talk of leeve breeches at one time, but none actually broke (I don't think- if I'm wrong, please correct me!) Not a whole lot Obama can do to stop the rains. Wasn't a think Bush coulda done to stop the hurricane. Where I think the 'difference' is, is that Bush could have organized his people better to evacuate those stranded in the flood of Katrina.

If Katrina was the biggest failure of Bush's presidency, why isn't this the biggest failure of Obama's?

While I don't blame Bush himself FOR the flood...I do fault him for not managing his teams better in order to more quickly give help to those stranded. That in deed was a FAIL! Obama on the other hand... well, I don't see Nashville's flood to be as dynamic as Katrina. A flood- yes. A horrific display of mother nature's destruction- yes, but no where NEAR as many stranded. No where near as many deaths (but any life lost is a life lost and is a sad situation though). Again, Obama couldn't stop the rain. Bush couldn't stop the hurrican. From what I've heard, there were some rescues involved in the Nashville flood, but not on the scale of those needed for Katrina. Why would there be 'blame' to be placed anyway?

Sagittarius Twittascope, Thursday, April 22, 2010

2010-04-22T03:58:00.000-05:00

Sagittarius Twittascope, Thursday, April 22, 2010

Just a Vent I think...

2010-03-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

I turned 30 back in November. I didn't go through the 'omg- I'm old, I'm 30' thing. I actually welcomed it. With it, of course, did come the thoughts of, 'my gosh, here I am 30 years old, single, no kids, and JUST getting started in my career... am I behind?!?!? sheesh!'

Growing up, I was always the 'baby' of my group of friends (mostly by a month or two, but they liked to refer to me as the baby...LOL). Well upon my 30th bday, I made a pact to myself that I wouldn't go through another year worrying about what a guy is missing in me. I promised me that I wouldn't keep makign excuses as to why things weren't working. That I wouldn't linger on situations that were not benificial to me (as well as to him- whom ever he might be).

My homegirl told me this in reference to my 30th bday, 'Girl, 30 is like the light FINALLY comes on. You'll be so shocked as how fast you can recogonize bullshit, and you can then decide for yourself which way you want to go with it. It's crazy! It's like the age 30 brings about this extra sense of self. You're more aware of things, you aren't afraid to face things that previously may have made you nervous and what not.'

I'll be darned if she wasn't right. I don't know if it's that being 30 has this 'power' for real, or if it was just because of the 'power of suggestion', but things have certainly changed since November 2009- for the better. Not that all the changes felt good, but the outlook as a result seems MUCH brighter. For example: I got rid of an extra 300lbs early on in November simply because he was too heavy to carry. In more ways than one. After 5 years of 'trying', I finally admitted (out loud) to his face that enough was enough. I showed him the exit he had been writing for at least the last year. I haven't looked back in regret at all. (I'm not gonna try to paint a picture of him as a HORRIBLE person, we had good times in deed, but well ya know the good didn't outweigh the bad...)

Another of my 'revelations' is the fact that I realllly do already know what's what with this other situation. I THINK I've always known it deep down in side, but I kept holding out hope that things would change for the better (as I always do). Well, now-a-days, I think I 'cope' pretty well with it because I don't expect much more than 'what it is'. I'm about 60% sure that this is just what this is and not much more growth will come (in a romantic way at least- mainly from his part). I still haven't pinpointed the 'why' yet. I don't know if time should be invested to KEEP trying to figure out the why. You'd think just the 'KNOW' would be enough for me to move on, but truth of the matter is... something's got a hold on me and I can't shake it right now. But, something's gotta change- I can't keep strappin my self in for the emotional rollercoaster that I keep going on... LOL I'm all dizzy and discombobulated now- it's making me sick! LOL
I think the ride is in coast mode and I'm anticipating fewer and fewer loop-de-loops. I came awfully close to a power failure this past weekend, but darn it, some spark ignited it, and steamed it along a bit more... ohhhh it's coasting now... coasting in deed... (sigh) I keep reaching for the emergency break, but I never pull it... The ride is just as fun as it is sickening... Maybe I need to smash my head before I admit, again, out loud, that I've gotta stop!

*** end vent sequence now***
AS YOU WERE! CARRY ON!!!

can you be my baby daddy?!?!

2010-02-21T22:44:00.000-06:00

I was watching one of the not-so-reality shows a few weeks ago- Let's Talk About Pep. On this particular episode of the ladies brought up an issue of being single, getting older, and wanting kids. She mentioned that her therapist (or somebody) told her that if she was ready for kids, and was single, she should find a guy she deemed 'worthy' of donating to her 'make me a kid' foundation, ask him if he would be willing to be the 'father' and go from there.

At first I was like 'WTF'!!! WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEBODY DO THAT! But then I had a tiny reality check! (LOL). Here I am, single as a penny in a broke man's pocket, not getting any younger- I'm now in the dirty 30 club, and pretty successful. I'm attractive (at least to me and to some), I'm fun to be around, easy to get along with and all that jazz... BUT STILL SINGLE. And I want kids! Sure- I want the 'boyfriend' who turns into the 'fiancee' who becomes the husband and father of my kids. Reality is- ummm I can't seem to find him, he can't find me, he doesn't exist or something! So, is that idea of finding somebody to father your children such a bad idea? I don't know if it's something I'd do right now, but it is a thought.

I posed this question to a guy I know. This guy being a guy I'd really ask if I was REEEALLLY at that point in life. He's what I consider 'top notch' kinda guy (shrugs). He's handsome, athletic (that always helps!), very smart, fun, and funny. I'd say he could help make a fairly good kid... LOL. Well when I asked him, this is how I posed the question:

"Let's say in a few years I wanted to have a baby. We both are single. I ask you to be the father...Would you consider it? [btw- I'm not really asking, just wondering]"

His response was:

"No. I wouldn't. That's not the order."

My reply:

"Hmmm good answer, BUT there are lots of things we (people) do that aren't in order...Y pick and choose? Hmmmm

He says:

"I pick and choose because I can, lol"

Interesting huh?!?!

Anyway, I don't know if guys understand...wait... I KNOW guys don't understand how we work...LOL They don't realize that we can only produce babies for so long...where they can pop a blue pill to get it up and make babies until they're lowered in the ground. WHY not help an aging woman out? LOL it's not like I'm BEGGING for you to stick around and help raise the child. IT WOULD BE GREAT of course, but certainly not required. (Of course, I don't think if I went this route, I'd pick somebody I didn't trust. Somebody I wouldn't feel proud to call my baby's father and so on. I'm sure if it got to this point, the guy I'd consider would probably insist on being in the child's life in some capacity.)

Is it a crazy idea? Is it far fetched to consider this option for older single ladies?

Anyway... just random thinkings...

HOLA AMIGOS y AMIGAS!

Why am I the BAD GUY?!?!?

2010-02-18T23:48:00.000-06:00

Wanna hear about my past week? Like to hear it...well here it go-

Well, I was invited to Dallas for All-Star Weekend (Feb. 14). I was kinda excited... New guy-friend was doing well... Plans changed quickly when I found out I was on call. I tell the new guy and he's like 'no problem, I'm coming there anyway, so we'll meet up and do something'. I'm like, 'good deal...see ya then'. This is what happened..day by day...

Monday= HIM: 'My homebody and I rented a car, and he's setting up butt-action, so he took the car... you wanna come pick me up? If not, I won't be able to see you til tomorrow'. ME: 'Ehhh tomorrow it is then'. HIM: 'that's messed up... you should come get me'. ME: 'Ehhh, tomorrow it is then... or else ummm never it can be.' (LOL... well- I don't know him like that to be shuttling his ass around... I was gonna MEET him out..not RIDE WITH HIM and vice versa)

Tuesday= HIM: 'We're stuck on the bridge in traffic, and we're running out of gas...we'll never make it to the [Saints Victory] parade. ME: 'well that's okay, we're going to bourbon afterwards...call me when you make it there. HIM: 'come get me, we're stuck and we're running out of gas'. ME: 'well that was silly...why drive when you're on E- you never know what traffic will be like...and no, I'm not getting in all that traffic... I don't know you for you to be all up in my car and stuff... no thanks...call me if/when ya'll make it to Bourbon'. HIM: 'see, that's that bullshit'. ME: 'oh..the parade is starting... call AAA...I can't hear you... bye". (I mean, what he want me to do? that was stupid!...LOL)

Wednesday= HIM: 'we're going out to the Republic... come meet us'. ME: 'aight, let me call my girls...cool biz...see ya then..' HIM: 'oh, we at the W right now...it's our first stop. ME: 'cool...I'm coming in now...come to the lobby. HIM: <15 minutes later> Oh hey...there you are, I been looking for you... (A LIE- the spot has ONE door in and ONE door out...LOL). ME: Umm hmm... when are we going to the Republic? HIM: 'now' ME: 'aight...see you there'. HIM: I have the VIP bracelet...let me get you one... ME: 'excellent'. HIM: <20 minutes later> Oh hey...ummm there you are. (MIND YOU I HADN'T MOVED!!!) I enjoyed my lil time, then told him I was going home. HIM: 'yeah, this party is kinda wack...I'm leaving too... I'm coming by your place'. ME: "umm I can't stop you from leaving, but you will NOT be at my place tonight'. HIM: 'see, that's that bullshit.. .I mean fuck... do I not look good or something?" <<>> ME: yeah, you cute...but you gonna be cute in what ever hotel you got... I'll see you tomorrow. HIM: 'see, I can't stand bi...I mean girls who too good to give it up on the first night.' ME: see, it's patients like you who have to visit the clinic a lot too... goodbye, good night... get home safely...get to dallas in piece..and PEACE.

THEN the 22 year old who is trying so hard... (sigh) can't do it KIDDO! Just can't DO IT... maybe it's me, but that is WWWAAYY young for me... I think I'm too young to start such COUGAR action...don't cha think! LOL

AND THAT WAS THAT....
NOW- I'm the bad guy...LOL why I gotta be the bad guy?!

"wet wednesdays' (via Twitter)

2010-02-03T02:01:00.000-06:00

Again... with keeping with the Twitter Themes... today's theme is 'Wet Wednesdays'. I decided I'll get more involved in the trending topics especially since it involves two of my most favorite things...twitter and writing.
Stacy (@slhamilton25)- I'm writing this with you in mind- not on no freaky/lesbo stuff...but as your freaky/nasty mind as inspiration...LOL Let's see what I come up with...

...And then she rolls over to see him laying there, sleeping quite soundly. She watches him sleep and tries to figure out how such a being could be a gentle soul, yet such a sensuously savage beast when the time is right. She smiles as she catches that first clip from the highlight reel they've been building for the past few months. She starts to feel all flush with fever with just the thoughts alone. Her mind is racing, going back to last night and how it all went down. She remembers the phone call from him: 'Hey, so what you getting in to tonight?' She replies, 'Oh, nothing, planned as of yet, but it's still early, we'll see'. He chuckles then says, 'well regardless of what the plans are, be sure you get at me later aight.' Being the cool chic she is, she contains her excitement because she knew exactly what that meant, and responded, 'yeah, aight... like I said, we'll see.... I'll talk to you later'.

The night progresses and of course she and her girls hit the club. After only minutes of being in the spot, she spots him across the way. She smiled and the felt all weak instantly- as usually. Apparently he spotted her too because her phone vibrated in her pocket, sending chills up her spine. The text read: 'one of us needs to be careful with the drinking tonight, one of us have to get us to my place'. She ignored the text because she already knew what was up.

At some point in the night, they end up doing what they do best. The dance and dance and dance. Mimicking the motions that makes blood rush to those special places. It was almost as if they were a lock and key fit, the way their bodies locked and moved as one to each beat of the music. She felt his excitement grow as she swayed, gyrated, and popped her ass on him. At random, he could only hold her and breathe in her ear- making her come close to losing all control. By the time the DJ announced, 'last call' and played that final song, they were both in a zone, ready to get home, but having fun letting it all build up.

She remembers when the party was over they both some how detached themselves to return to their respective groups of friends to head home. She thought about that text that he sent...as she was sending him one. She read the text that read: 'I'll be home in 10 minutes, I expect you in 11". She sent him a text that gave very simple and direct instructions: 'leave the door unlocked, get ready'.

Moments later, she was at his door, trying to not appear too super eager to get inside...for him to get inside of her. She took a deep breath, opened the door. Pitch black. She called out to him. No response. She closed and locked the door and moved slowly towards his bedroom. She called out to him a second time. Out of nowhere, he was behind her, pressing her up against the bedroom door. "You want me to get ready? You need to be ready... I've been waiting for this all night'. He spun her around, and all but ripped her dress off her body. She loved it, every second of it... loved being 'handled' in such a manner. He begin to trace her body with gentle kisses, nibbles, and licks... paying close attention to her breasts, as they heaved with each of her deep breaths.

Before she could adjust her self against the wall, he dropped to his knees and buried his head under her skirt. Licking her clit like is was the very last piece of his most prized candy. Savoring each and every taste. Part of her wanted to tell to stop for a second, just so she could catch her breath and take the rest of her clothes off, but each time she had that thought, she forgot it when he plunged his tongue in and out of her vagina over and over again. He stood up, she thought it was over for a second. This was only a pause for him to throw her onto the bed. She lay there watching him come towards her, not knowing what else he had in store. He grabbed her by the hip, and flipped her onto her stomach. He caressed her ass, and kissed her ass, and in one smooth movement, he spread her, to make enough space for his face. He tossed her salad like he was a die hard vegetarian!

She started to mumble, trying to get him to stop, but his response, in between licks, was 'just chill out, relax, enjoy yourself, I know I am'. She knew she was just about at her limit. Apparently he knew too as he pushed her up to the doggy style position. His most favorite position. He still wasn't ready to enter her overly moist vagina. He slid under her like a mechanic fixing a car and encouraged her to ride his face. She didn't put up a fight, she obliged and then she came. He laughed a bit, because that as his plan all along. As she lay there, again trying to catch her breath, he laid on top of her, and whispered in her ear...'you done? I know you're not done'. Then, as if she wasn't just damn near licked to sleep, she mounted him. She had a tendency to never back down from a challenge. Especially not a sexual challenge from the best she'd ever had. She had to let him know she appreciated everything he had done for her a few hours before. She leaned down to his ear and started nibbling and kissing and licking. That was just the starting point. She worked her way down to where his boxers rested, and she swirled her tongue over and over. She knew that drove him crazy! She skipped the dick, and jumped to the inner thigh area. Swirling the tongue again- as he sang, 'oh shit, oh shit, oh shit'. He knew what was about to happen. She removed his boxer briefs just enough to receive him into her mouth. She sucked his dick just the way he liked it. To the point where she could feel his muscles flinching time and time again. He grabbed the top her head, grabbed a hand full of her hair and guided her in the rhythm he needed. She didn't mind at all, again, it turned her on to be dominated in the bedroom. With one sturdy tug, he pulled her up and instructed her to 'get on'. She climbed on and allowed his rock hard dick to fill up the wet vagina that had been calling out for him for the last 1/2 hour. They fucked like fucking was going completely out of style. Remembering that she had gotten hers one or 4 times, she paid special attention to her man. Giving him what he needed to release. She knew he was no match for her ass in motion when he hit in doggy style, so she got into position and invited him in. He stroked, and stroked, and stroked. Before long, his breathing pattern started to change, and the stokes became quicker and harder and deeper. With each thrust, she thrust back, causing him to get close and closer. He finally started to moan, at that point, she quickly turned around and let him fuck her mouth to his finish.

They must have tried every position in the book and created a few in the process. By the time they were finished, there was not one single article of bedding remaining on the bed. The lamp on the night stand was barely hanging on, thanks to the wall. She was pleasantly sore... very pleasantly that is. She fell asleep all wrapped up in him.

In the midst of her flashback replay, she must have forgotten where she was, because when she snapped back to reality, she found her hand fondling her own clit....... and he man silently watching. When she noticed this, she smiled....as he replaced her hand with his, and it started all over again.

Morning Noon and Night (per Twitter's Freaky Friday)

2010-01-28T22:52:00.000-06:00

I've been doing this Twitter thing for a minute now. It's kinda fun. I have some of the FUNNIEST friends on there who keep me cracking up all day! And I'm sooo not exaggerating. There is 'theme'/trending topic almost everyday. Wednesdays have kinda become my favorite... it's 'Wet Wednesdays'. Friday has the potential to be just as interesting with it's 'Freaky Friday' theme. A friend posted a blog for Freaky Friday. I kinda said I was going to post one too...1/2 joking 1/2 serious. His response was 'do it and let me know so I can read it'. Seems innocent right? Well you gotta know this cat...LOL I took that as a challenge as if I wouldn't. So, to you Mister- here it is...

Morning, Noon, and Night

In the MORNING, we do as babies do. You begin to know me- I begin to know you. I am lulled by your voice, sedated by your tone, calmed by your scent, adn comforted by your presence. You are feeling the same....This, I already know. Not many words at this stage, not quite at that age. We communicate at this point with long glares and with abundant smiles..... We are at rest.

Before we know it, it's now NOON. Now we do as many teens do. I am enthralled by your voice, teased by your tone, enchanted by your scent and tempted by your presence. And you by mine. We spend endless time making love...not physically, for we are still not yet of that age to know what that truly is. You make love to me mentally, and I to you in exchange. You say things I need ot hear, things I want to hear. I reciprocate... whispering closer and closer to your ear. I notice you begin to tense the closer I draw near. For reasons beyond your control, you reach out and wrap me in you. For reasons beyond mine, I allow your hands to rendezvous about my body. I lay partially beneath you, almost motionless aside from the heavy breathing and the pounding of hearts. I gently reach up and wipe away the sweat that has cluttered your perfect face. We lay.... anxious... in each other's arms.... We are at play.

NIGHT is upon us. We do as adults do. I am beckoned by your voice, enticed by your tone, seduced by your scent, adn overcome by your presence. You- relax and watch me undress.... enjoy the show, 'cause you are next. The skin unites and all sense of life out side is forgotten. I watch you... you watch me. I feel you....when you fill me up with pure thick satisfaction. I am at this point and time, your life and you mine. I try to remain calm and still as you begin to explore with your eyes, lips, your tongue and more. I lost all composure when your north met my south. Sending tremors- all through me. My exploration has now begun. I feel your increased intensity with every kiss, lick and nibble from me. *wink* you're welcome...and thank you. Sweat glistening, pounding- both of hearts and souls, breath and strokes, both deep and long... Trying to hold... don't know for how long.... Each time is better... wetter, and more passionate than before.... We are at work.

Am I crazy?

2010-01-26T11:00:00.000-06:00

Okay- So maybe I'm crazy! I don't know what in the world is going on lately in my 'less than perfect' romantic (or lack there of) world. Well, the guy I had been with for years refused to work, so I refused KEEP supporting us both. He's out the door (3 months now). I'm not one of those who sulks and moans and gets depressed, so- I'm ready to move on! LOL I tried, for 5 years (off and on) with that dude darn it!

Well... in the past there were 3 guys I've been involved with at some point in time. 2 of the three I was REALLLLLY into. The 3rd one... ummm I'm STILL kinda out on him. Anyway. One of them likes to just flirt and play games. I welcome that. It would be different if we were still in the same state, but I'm in New Orleans, he's in Nashville. Sadly, I THINK I'm realizing he's not AS into me as I thought and as much as he's pretended to be. Anyway, again... I don't sulk and mope..soooo..

Now- these other two fellas. The one I'm still kinda 'out' on. He's a cool cat. I liked talkin to him, but I must have met him when I was about 24. He was probably 30. As we talked I found out he was a divorcee with 3 kids! THAT thew me off! I wasn't ready for that. And his oldest was about 15! (*disclaimer: I have nothing against divorced people. I just feel you should be true to yourself and do what feels right for you. At that time in my life, I wasn't ready to deal with the 'ex-wives' and 'befriending the kids'. I can't say I'll never date a divorced person... all I'm saying is AT THAT TIME I wasn't ready..) I just wasn't ready for that... so I put him in the 'friend' zone. I mean I'm NOT crazy for that, I was ONLY 24... I wasn't ready to be dating somebody with 3 kids. I don't like to date JUST FOR FUN. I'd like to date a guy I felt could 'go somewhere' ya know? Well tonight, via chat on FB- about 1 minute into the chat session, he types: Man, you know what? I'm tired of this- it's time. Time to stop playing games. You're out of school now- it's time for us to get married."

Am I crazy to think that whole 'you're out of school now' comment was stupid? LOL I mean what's changed? While I was in school I worked and had my stuff together. I didn't 'NEED' him financially then and I don't need him Financially now. So- why even concern yourself with me being in or out of school?

The other guy. Aww man, he was my sweetie! LOL I really liked him. He pretty much won me over on our first date! (I didn't tell him that though- had to make him work a little!). He lived a few hours away, but would hop a flight in a minute to visit me. (yeah- I know...). After a few months, I brought up 'relationships' and his response was, "I like you alot, but you're in school- we can't be together".

Am I crazy to think...'welllll dude, I was in school when you met me, and that didn't stop you then...WHY now?" Am I crazy? Maybe I am!!!

Anyway, so he and I keep in touch. He text me a few days ago saying he would be in my city and wanted to grab dinner or something. Of course I'm down, but that doesn't change the fact that you wanted me but didn't want me because I was in school!

Then he continues with, 'you know V, I was thinking, it's time for us to stop fighting this feeling. You're out of school now. We can proceed- pick up where we left off. I'd love to be married and start havign kids by next year'.

EXCUSE ME?!?!?! you want to do what?!?! with who?!?! and WHY?!?! Am I'm crazy to think that this dude is retarded? He didn't want me just 2 years ago 'be cause I was in school'. OMG are you serious?!?! I wasn't in high school! I wasn't in Junior College! I wasn't even in undergrad! I was in friggin dental school! I wasn't 19, not even 21... I was GROWN..FULLY I was like 26 or 27!

*sigh*

Okay- vent session over! LOL

carry on!

:-)

The Tooth, the Whole tooth, so help me DOC!

2010-01-22T21:50:00.000-06:00

When I initially started this blog, it was to share my 'dental' stories. Unfortunately, I haven't had any 'FUN' stories until rather lately. This picture I found surely prompted me to write about this past week!

STORY #1:

(I was away on rotation at a a student run clinic. Basically, my job is to help the students with extraction techniques, answer their questions, and screen new patients. My first 'new' patient's interview went a little some thing like this.)

ME:'Hello! How are you today! I'm Dr. T. Gonna try to pin point your problem area, go over you medical history, get some forms signed. You ready?

PATIENT (Mr.It Ain't As Bad): Okay Dr. You 'shole is' young to be a Dr, but I'm ready.

So, any heart, lung, liver, kidney problems? Are you Diabetic, Hypertensive?

Naw, Naw, Naw, I'm pretty healthy. They tell me, though I got something called suga (DIABETES!), and nothing else other than my emphysema. (LUNG PROBLEM!)

Okay sir, your med list suggests that you're diabetic or 'you have sugar as you call it', and that you have high blood pressure.

Oh- yeah I had forgot all about that.

Do you smoke? Drink? any illicit drugs?

Smoke? naw, I gave that up. Drink? yeah I get my drank on sometimes. Illicit drugs? Ooohh NO darlin, Ileft that stuff alone when I left Cali...shhooot yeah! I left Cali in 19-hunnid-n-semty5. (1975 for you Northeners!! LOL). Heroin, yes, was addicted that stuff, and I realized I was going down the wrong path, and I gived it up (YES- he said GIVED).

Excellent! Congrats. Now, is there anything else I need to know? It's important tha we know ALL medicines you're currently taking because when working on you teeth we have to give medicine that might work differently if you are on certain meds.

Oh... yeah, I mean, I quit that heroin like I said. but since I've been here, I do a lil crack cocaine... I figure it's only cocaine, at least it's not heroin. But doc, you know I gotta get off that stuff... it's bad for my health.

yes sir, it really is bad for your health! So it's a good idea to stop all of that ya, know?

Yeah, that's why I'm in here now trying to get my teeth fixed. That crack cocaine affectin me so much!

Yeah, it can affect all kinds of things. SO- what happened with your teeth here

Oh... yeah, that's waht I mean when I say it's affectin my health. I was on some cocaine... a good batch too, and I tried to steal some more from my dealer. That s*hit had my head messed up...then he punched me in the mouth and messed my teeth up, now I can't eat. See... that d*mn crack! Messed up my head, my teeth, and my eating ability!

Hmmm that's quite a story!

HA! New Years Story! (what's yours?)

2010-01-07T01:19:00.000-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR AGAIN!

So here it is 1:20am and I'm wide awake. Not so bad right? WEELLL if you include the full day of work yesterday from 8am-5pm, a nap from 6pm-7pm, sleeplessness from bedtime to 5:30am, to WAKE up time at 6:30am to do an hour drive to work this morning until about 4pm, the hour drive back IN TRAFFIC... I'm home... tired, but not sleepy!

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. A friend and I were talking about 'Best and Worst New Year's Eve/New Year's Day'. I think I shall share my W-O-R-S-T one which ends up being the FUNNIEST one (we realized the humor when we sobered up)... here goes..

The fact that I can't even recall the 'new year' we rang in should alread y clue you in to how 'INTERESTING' this night was! (And how long ago it was, but so interesting, I can remember PARTS of it like yesterday)

(From the" The Hangover"... when I watched this movie, I thought about my NYE night! hehe)

I was in Pearl, MS with my childhood best friends: B and T. Since I had driven from Nashville that day, and T had a new car, we decided that I would NOT drive and we'd cruise the streets in T's new mustang. T was going to be the DD that night because she was going to have a minor surgery that next week and was absolutely sure she wasn't supposed to have any alcohol for a week prior to (shrugs shoulders...oh well... Drive on DD!). Well, B, T, myself and other friends met at B's house to start the night off. As we dressed and did make up, we took shot, after shot, after shot.....after shot... mixed drink... shot.. (you get the picture right?)

Eventually we were all dressed, tipsy and ready to hit the party. The ride there was flawless. (T is NOT a good driver! NOT THAT I WOULD EVER DRIVE DRUNK, BUT if there was a bet on who drives better, ME with one eye taped shut and dddrruunnkkk -vs- T, I'd encourage ALL to put money on me!) We got a close parking spot- perfect because of my 4 inch stilletos, AND because it was quite brisk that night. We got into the party for free (my homie from elememtary school was sponsoring the party). We get in, and instantly find the bar or course, then to the dance floor. Picture here, picture there, laugh, laugh, drink, drink, dance, picture and so on.

This party comes to an end so we pile up in the Mustang to hang out. THIS is when I started take a turn for the FUNNIEST... I do no know how long we drove around after the first 5 minutes. I do remember puttin my head against the back of the passenger seat head rest and BEGGING that who ever was in front of me to "PLEASE LET THE WINDOW DOWN BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO DIE"! (B was in front of me... just like she was on the way there, I just didn't know!) B's house was about 10 miles from the party, but I felt like we had driven for AT LEAST 4 DAYS! LOL ***PLEASE see the 'Sober Notes #1' at the bottom of this post!***

After what seemed to be forever, we FINALLY get to B's place. I remember B jumping out the car and going straight in the house. I remember just sittng there and T finally asked me, 'what are you doing? Get out!" I do remember managing to get out of the car. I literally THREW my shoes to what I THOUGHT was the door of the house. I was able to stand up............. for 0.5 seconds, and I fell. Seems like that fall took a goooood 10 minutes to complete. I remember being on the ground..... why I stayed there, I don't know. I remember seeing break lights **Sober Notes #2**, then I remember jumping up. You'd think I was heading towards the house at this point right? Well- NOPE- WRONG. I some how (and yes, I remember this also) bobbled backwards down the drive way, bounced off the mailbox **Sober Notes #3**, and laid on the hood of my truck! **Sober Notes#4** T was finally able to direct me to the 'light' (door of the house). I do remember CRAWLING in the dewy grass (in slow motion according to T). I DO remember shouting to her 'get my purse, get my purse, my sister gave this to me for Christmas. Don't drop my stuff, get my stuff up!" **Sober Notes #5** I made it in the house just in time to make a drunken mad dash to the bathroom where I flopped down on the toilet! I fell asleep sitting on the toilet with a garbage can in my lap and my face in/resting on the garbage can. I closed my eyes to make the room be still so I could bobble my way to the room.

AAAAHHH! Bed at last!
or maybe not.... :-(

( Fast Forward to the next morning)
The Sober Notes

**#1** I found out that the ride to B's house took so long because they took detours to other clubs just to ride around. I was accused of flipping everybody the 'BIRD' each time we stopped.... the window was already down per my request!

**#2.** I wake up the next morning with a HUGGGEEE impression across my forehead...yep, from sleeping for WHO KNOWS how long with my face pressed against the garbage can rim! As I was trying to detangle myself from the sheets, I felt a very bad sting/burn as the sheets were STUCK TO EACH OF MY ELBOWS!(sigh) I had to rip the sheet off my 'boo boo' from my fall! (Via phone, T eventually explained to me that when I fell, she thought I had gone in right behind B, but she noticed the house door was still open. She said she waited for about 5 minutes or so for one of us to come close it. Neither me nor B did, so T got out her car, walked around the back....and tripped over me! I WAS STILL THERE! (LOL) The break lights that I saw was T putting the car back in park or reverse!!

**#3** The mailbox. Poor Poor mailbox. Apparently when I was stumbling backwards down the drive way, I managed to hit the mailbox so hard until it was at about a 45 degree angle to the ground! To this day, it still has a bit of a 'lean' to it! LOL Apparently, once I bounced and rolled off the mailbox, I went to my truck and laid my upper body on the hood. After I had moved, it was described to me to appear as 'a body outline'! (LOL)

**4** Ahhh yes, the crawl into the house! I was explained to me that I was crawling 'army style' towards the house, all the while holding my new Coach bag over my head. Now is the point in my sobriety that I looked in the purse to find it full of leaves! (LOL I know!). Well, during my crawl, I was trying to pick up 'my stuff' that I THOUGHT I dropped... only, I hadn't dropped anything, it was just leaves.... LOL just leaves!!!!!

**#5** And for the grand finale! In the morning, I managed to squint juuussst right to make it to the bathroom. I step on the bathroom floor, directly...in............water! (HA- bet you thought I was gonna say puke huh?!) Recall the fact that I mentioned 'flopping' on the toilet and falling asleep while there... W-E-L-L turns out, I apparently flopped down so hard that I BROKE HER TOILET! LOL not a 'won't flush' kinda break. I'm talking CHUNK of toilet filling tank shattered on the floor... and bathroom floor flooded! (LOL)I had to conjur up a believable story to tell my parents because I needed THEM to pay for B's toilet! I was a full time student, and working sup-part-time, so I know I didn't have the cash for it. So, B and I decided to tell them that I slipped and fell onto the toilet while getting out of the tub. (Why is this story believable?- because I can be quite the clutz sometimes, so me falling- VERY believable. AND my parents have decided there is a 'right way' and a 'wrong way' to get in and out of a shower. According to them you enter and exit the shower on the end opposite the toilet. Yeah- you guessed it, I ALWAYS go in and out right by the toilet. Not to be defiant, just- it's how I've always done it. So, my story of slippin while getting out the shower was perfect!)
Well, that's pretty much the end of that!

LOL What was your most memorable NYE be it good or bad?

Yeah Yeah Yeah.. I'm long winded.

2010-01-05T09:52:00.000-06:00

I was looking over some older blogs... (please- feel free to do the same) and I realized that I type a lot! LOL I was going to say 'SORRY', but ya know what- I'm not sorry! I have a lot to say! I like 'story telling', so that's just what I'll do darn it. I hope that whom ever has followed my blogs, (at last some of them and at least a few part of some...) have enjoyed what I've had to say. Of course, I'm open to critiques. I don't think you can 'grow' in anything without suggestions and different points of view of which to view what YOU like doing. I'm not easily offended, so please... if there is something you think I can do to improve, let me know!

Anyway, this is quite random because there isn't a point at ALL to this blog... just noticed that I try to keep my posts 'shorter', but when I finish, they're normally mini novels! LOL

Happy day folks!
Have a great one- I'm certainly going to try!

WHY DO WE KID OURSELVES?!?

2010-01-03T13:18:00.000-06:00

Why do we kid ourselves?

By we, I mean women like me who TRY to do things they aren't capable of doing very succesfully. I'm not afraid nor ashamed to say that I've failed... and failed MISERABLY and am obviously a glutton for punishment as I continue to go back for more.

What I'm talkin bout here is 'casual sex', and denial of deep emotion. Now, by 'casual sex' I'm not referring to the meet the stranger at the bar, take them home, knocked em out, pass out, wake up and never remember who you knocked out anyway. No, I'm referring to the 'casual sex' more so along the lines of 'that crush or special someone you've known for some time, but haven't made an official relationship for what ever reason, but for some other reason, just can't NOT be with or see him/her'.

I'll share my 'situation'. For the sake of this 'story', I'll refer to 'him' as 'T.O.' (no reference at all to the NFLer)
In about 2003 or 2004, I was in one of my classrooms, and saw this VERY TALL, SKINNY dude at the door. We were inside having b-day cake for a classmate. I saw this guy, and he flashed a smile as if to say 'hello'. I smiled back. That's just somethign we do in the south I guess. I noticed he lingered by the door so I finally asked, 'can I help you'? He was just being noesy and wanted to know what we were doing. I told him we were having cake and offerend him a piece. He accpeted, smiled again, said 'thanks, see you around' and walked off.

That day, I told my girlfriend India, 'you saw that guy? Yep- that's my new boyfriend.' Mind you I didn't know his name, he didn't know mine...LOL I was just mesmorized by the smile I guess. A few months later I was at a ball and met a girl who I will refer to as Ms. P. Ms. P. and I became pretty cool after that, and I learned that she actually knew 'my boyfriend T.O.' They actually went to undergrad together...and that's how I learned that my boyfriend's name was 'T.O.A.' Later on, through out the school year, we'd bump into each other around campus and via intramural basketball and such. From what I could tell, he was a cool guy, and well, I was ALREADY interested, but grew more and more intersted as time went on. Problem- I had a boyfriend who didn't live in the same state, SO I didn't act very much on my interest in T.O.

We soon found each other out at the same spots on the weekends. We'd ALWAYS dance with each other. I mean working up a serious sweat on the dance floor. To the point where my friend India would just shake her head at us and would always make the comment, 'Ya'll need to just get a room...ya'll dry sexin on the dance floor!". We'd just kinda laugh it off, all the while knowing that we BOTH would have preferred a room and would have preferred more that the 'dry sexin on the dance floor'. We danced so much and so often that people around campus started assuming we were a couple or that we 'had something going on', although, at that time, it was nothing.

One day, India decided that she was going to tell him that I was crazy about him, but I wouldn't say it to him on my own because I had a bf. She did tell him and his response, as I remember it (via India) was, 'Really, wow! That's cool... hmmm she's attractive and all. No, I don't have a gf, but there is somebody 'special' in my life though.' When India told me I was a lil saddened...EVEN THOUGH I did have a bf! (Crazy huh?) Fast forward to September that same year-- We all went to a party that he celebrated his birthday at that year. When I got there and saw him, of course we greeted each other with a hug and a joke or something. By the time I got there, he was already deep in the libations! I didn't mind though, I was used to this side of T.O. It made the night more fun! (Note: we always were 'responsibile... always had a DD) I got him and I a shot to celebrate his bday. He sat beside me, leaned over to me and whispered in my ear the ODDEST thing. He said, 'Hey, I had on my PhD shirt today (he is in grad school for PhD)." I said, 'umm okay, why in the WORLD did you just whisper that to me?" He says, 'because you need to guess what PhD means.' I had NO idea, so I didn't guess. He said, 'it means Pretty Huge Dick'. He proceeds to lick my WHOLE left side of my face and get up and run off! LOL I know crazy! (He's in a fraternity that is known for being 'dirty and nasty' and they are known to 'lick people at random' sometimes). Well the night ended abruptly when a fight broke out. We went our separate ways until about 30 minutes later when I got a call from him asking what our next move was. We had no plans, so I told him we were all going home. He invited us over, but we declined because it was very late (prob 2 am). He then said, 'well, I'm coming to your house..we can watch a movie'. I knew all along that there would be NO movie watching, especially with the state he was in, and the state I was in! (My bf and I had broken up a while prior to this). He gets there, we watch about 10 minutes of the movie before we started making out own in a sense!

I found out later that his 'special someone' had turned into his gf and so I backed off...some. (I know I know... not nice right?!?! but neither did he) We didn't do anything 'bad' other than a harmless flirt or a 'eye' from time to time and of course we danced and laughed when we were out. More time passes, and before you know it, we're back where we started. This would be the 2nd time of our 'sexual encounter'. I was HOPING that we'd make something major out of this. I mean the chemistry was definitely there, pre sex. I was okay with the sexual situation for a while. I told him that IF in the even that I felt like it was too much for me, that I'd have to leave him alone, because I liked him just that much. I THOUGHT I was going to be able to handle that kind of relationship, but learned later on that it would be much harder than I could have ever imagined.

My ex-bf and I got back together for a time, so again, T.O. and I were distantly flirting still. Again, my bf and I parted ways, which opened the T.O. and me situation to go again. This time I tell him and myself the same thing- I don't know if I can handle casual sex like this, but I like you so much...I'm going to try, if it's too much I'm going to leave you alone. That was September of 2008, and to this day, he and I STILL manage to find each other. As a matter of fact, the last time was November 2009 and we don't even live in the same state anymore. AND we've even entertained the idea of 'visiting each other'.

WHY DO I KID MYSELF? SERIOUSLY?
It drives me crazy knowing that he's way up there in TN and I'm down here in New Orleans. It drives me crazy to know that we aren't official, yet when ever we're close enough to each other , we see each other. What's the problem?

The most recent episode that made me rethink this was in ATL. My friend India and I went to ATL for the SAINTS/FALCONS game in Dec. I didn't know that he and his boys were coming too (well, not until all travel plans has been made). We had talked about hooking up of course. Friday- no T.O. Saturday, no T.O. I see our mutual friends at a party that night, but still no T.O. Because our 'situation' has been kind of 'hush hush', I didn't ask his friends where he was (I can't lead on that I'm OVERLY concerned ya know! :-) ). Well my friend India asked one of T.O.'s friends where he was (no, I didn't have her ask, she just knew he was in town, knew those were his boys and she hadn't seen him in 2 years, so she was literally, 'just asking'). Well his boy's response, that I happened to walk in on was, 'Oh, T.O. man, that dude is boo'd up tonight, he not coming. He's got a little friend down here [ATL]. I kinda wander off a while to not let my disappointment show so that nobody would ask 'what's wrong'.

I recently told him how disappointed I was in having to have heard that convo. He apologized for me over hearing it. (Sigh). I appreciated that apology, but would certainly appreciate HIM to my self more. I knew full well I had no basis to go in on him about the other girl in ATL because we are not a couple. We are single, he can do what ever he wants to do. Why do I kid myself by 'holding out in hopes of him and him alone?'

Am I kidding myself? Do I love this guy? Is this why my relationship did work out with the ex? Am I overly infactuated with this guy? Am I fighting a losing battle hoping and wishing that the chemistry between us catches fire? Am I kidding myself hoping that he'll eventually fall for me like I've fallen for him?

I think I think about him so much until I've created a different persona in my mind than what he may really be? Maybe? hmmmm? He's pretty much what I THINK I need in my life as far as a man. Tall, dark, handsome, killer smile, athletic, family oriented, very well educated, own place, own car, likes kids, self motivated, very caring, funny, cuddly and the works. Am I kidding myself to think that all of this can be for me exclusively? Damn it! I HATE not KNOWING!

Why do we put ourselves in situations like this? I mean, I KNOW he's not my boyfriend, yet I get just as angry if I hear he's out with another girl as if he IS. I make time for him. He USUALLY makes time for me (the ATL situation was a new thing... HOPEFULLY a one time mishap). I'm actually entertaining the idea of a visit soon. Am I kidding myself to think that ANYTHING will EVER fully develop of this situation other than hot sex and fun flirting? He'll be graduating soon and PROBABLY heading back up north where his home is (DC area). I was thinking, had we developed something more prior to me moving, I wouldn't have had a problem moving with him back to DC and I'm a southern girl to my heart! Or if not to DC, I would have been open to discussing a 1/2 way point between his home (DC) and my home (MS). Am I kidding myself to think something like this could still happen?

(sigh)
Okay- that will be all!

New Year, Same Single me... BLAH!

2010-01-01T07:45:00.000-06:00

It's a new year and guess what! I'm still flippin single! (aarrrgghh) What in the world do I need to do? Like seriously!!

Here's what I have:
-30 years old
-no children
-no drama
-great career
-own car
-own apt (soon to be house in a few more months)
-fun
-very giving and caring
-quite family oriented
And that's just a LITTLE bit of me... SOOO much more the more you are around me and get to know me.

In Nov 2009, I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. He was a cool guy, I can't deny that, but so many things needed to be improved or changed. We had been together off and on for 5 years. I moved to New Orleans in July 09 for my residency program, where he is from. We spent a lot of time together. A month later, he quit his job. (Oh- yeah, so he's like 4 years younger than me, still in undergrad, was living wiht his parents until I moved here. He was never very good with money, but was always fun as hell and very attentive and 'loving'.) Anyway. He moved in with me after aobut 3 weeks. I was excited- it was the first time we had lived in the same city since we met. After about 4 weeks after moving there, he decided to quit his job- WITHOUT HAVING ANOTHER ONE LINED UP...AND AGAINST MY SUGGESTION OF WAITING UNTIL HE HAD ANOTHER JOB! Okay, so I was trying to be the 'supportive girlfriend' and take care of the bills. Take care of everything x 2. Mind you, I'm a resident- SOOO not making a WHOLE LOT of money, but I tried. I encouraged him weekly to look for a job. He'd ask me DAILY to 'borrow' money. I'd foolishly give it to him. He got on a kick where he was 'going to job fairs', so I got him some slacks, a nice shirt, a nice tie, adn some shoes for his job fairs and interview. Even helped him get is resume together... (Again, me doing what I THOUGHT was 'supportive girlfriend stuff'). 3 months later, I'm STILL handing him 'loans'. I'm still paying for ALLLL the food he gobbles up (he had a stupid habit of "smoking" and getting VERY VERY hungry afterwards -wink-, so he ate everything in sight... and NEVER replaced anything). SO I'd get home from work hoping to have a snack- and it's GONE! (SIGH). Eventually he and I had huge fight about my 'relationship status' on FB (yes LOL on FB people). It was 'single' Why? I don't know- I just never changed it and everybody on there that I talk to, knew about him, so I never thought much of it. When he told me it pissed him off, I told him I'd change it. THAT WASN'T ENOUGH for him..he yelled and bitched for an hour more... (sigh). I change it..and a few months later he wants to yell about how WE sit on the sofa and WE play on my FB account. He claims I 'never give him attention'. WHAT?!?! All we do is goof off and what not. He wants to complain that I go to bed too early and that I always left him on the sofa. WEEELLL HELLO STUPID- I work everyday- you don't You don't have to sleep at night! ANDDD YOU opt to go out and smoke then come home and pass out on the sofa...NOPE- not gonna wake u up like a 5 year old every night. ANYWAY...
We end up parting ways because of his refusal to grow up and accept responsibility as a man..and as the man he COULD BE, the one I NEEDED him to be, for me and for us. I haven't felt particularly sad about it though, because I think it was something that needed to be done...

On the flip side...there's a guy (my crush I've written about before) I've know just as long as I've known the ex. Me and this guy have been involved over time too (about 5 years...mainly during the extended months/year or what ever the ex and I weren't together). I know this guy has more of the attributes I desire in a man (i.e. tall, dark, handsome, killer smile, very driven, PhD candidate May 2010, funny, athletic, sweet, family oriented...). I know he likes me, we've spoken about it. We chit chat from time to time and everything... but WHAT THE HELL DOES HE WANT FROM ME? LOL He knows how I feel about him, yet he doesn't really act on it.

My question is: do you not act because you are just that shy? Do you not act because you really aren't that into me, but you act like it? DO you not act on it because you do like me, might want to give it a try, but we live far apart? Do you not act because you do like me, very intereted in giving it a try, just not READY for the whole 'one woman' thing right now? I don't know!

I guess I won't know for a while either huh? so until then, I'll be pretty much like the cartoon at the top...LOL single and waiting to catch the perfect man!

Happy Holidays (which ever you choose to celebrate..or not!)

2009-12-24T21:31:00.000-06:00

In the Photo: My Own Personal Goof Troop --> Kayleigh-Ann (3), beside her Trelin (4) and on the opposite side of the table is Lindberg (the big brother, age 5).

Happy Holidays people! (I won't say only 'Merry Christmas', I'm sure not everybody following me doesn't celebrate Christmas, so Happy Holidays to you- and Merry Christmas to the ones of us who do celebrate it)

Now that that's out the way. I just want to say "Thank God I'm blessed!" (Oh yeah, if you are a non-believer in God and feel offended by me mentioning my God and my blessings, you'd probably want to exit now. If you are a non-believer and can still respect my belief, then by all means- do read on... )

I say this because #1- I'm alive and well! #2- I'm broke as a joke, but I haven't missed a meal, have a very nice roof over my head, and have never gone naked... (well, if you count that one time... OHHHH Pish posh- just kidding people).

I think I mentioned before that I'm on call right now (Dec 23-26th 7am). Well my family decided that since I couldn't come to them for Christmas, they'd bring Christmas (dinner at least) to me. I'm so blessed to have such a fun and supportive family! Everybody came (well JUST ABOUT everybody). Wanna know who? Okay, I'll tell ya. My mom and dad, my sister (from Arkansas), my Granny (the best-est cook in the world!), my 3 aunts (Merle, Mary Jean, and Faye), My only maternal Uncle (BoBo- hey... we're from the country so lay off the names aight! LOL). My cousins Savannah and Denzel (Aunt Merle's two), Marcus (Aunt Faye's son...Uncle David stayed home...), PJ (Uncle Bo's son, Trilana, the sister and Martha Ann the wife were no where to be found... kinda typical though..), Shericka (Aunt Mary Jean's daughter), and the best of all Linberg, Trelin, and Kayleigh-Ann (Uncle Bo's grand kids/Trilana's kids...ages 5,4 and 3 respectively). Good times folks and good food! YUUUMMM!

I gave the kids their 'early Christmas gifts'. Told them I had spoken to Santa when he stopped by here to take a break. He knew they would be here and left a package for them if they were good. I... I mean SANTA got the boys a BUMBLEBEE Transformer action figure, and the fashionista, 3 y/o Kayleigh-Ann got the newest in Kiddy fashion- Princess Tiana suit (with a hood...she's obsessed with hooded wear now). They loved it! I gave the girls (my sister, Shericka, and Savannah) Faith rings. Gave the aunts 'best aunt necklaces'. The other gifts will be given when I get home on the 26th.

My most favorite part of the whole day was when the food was ready. My mom fixed the kid's plates and put them at the counter. Before meals big family meals, the family elder blesses the food. It's my Granny now. When she started, Trelin said, "WAIT, GANNY (because he can't quite get that 'R' in GRANNY)..wait, I wanna do it today okay... Imma do it good too.' Granny told him, 'yes you may say grace Tre.' Tre says to all of us, 'you have to put your hands like this (he puts his hands together in the 'prayer position'), and you gotta put your head down like this(bows his head). Then he began to recite the Lord's Prayer. When he finished, he said 'see Ganny, I did it, and I did it all by myself, just like Paw Paw did'. It was cute that he volunteered to do it, and even cuter that he said 'I did it like Paw Paw did'. Paw Paw is my grandfather, his great grand father who died about 2 or 3 years ago, when Tre was about 1 or 2 years old. I don't know how Tre remembers Paw Paw praying before meals, I don't even care how he knows, I just feel like THAT was a sure sign that my Paw Paw was among us today!

My heart is filled and I'm so excited that I'm from the blood line of such a wonderful family!

Men- Make up your minds DAMN IT!

2009-12-23T10:55:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, I read a blog by a friend. It was mainly about being confident in who you are and your body type. The 'theme' was based around a word used to describe certain body types; that word being the word 'THICK'. (You can check it out here ) I'm not sure if this is a word that's universially used or if it's just used in the 'urban' culture (shrugs shoulders). I'm sure we all know what is meant by 'thick', but if not, allow me to offer MY suggestion of the word. I'll also offer my opinion of where the description has gone wrong.

Thick: a woman with curves. A HEALTHY woman with curves. An inshape woman with curves. A woman who is naturally (by genetics) 'bigger' but fit and well put together. More times than a few, 'thick' referrs to women who are sizes bigger than an 8-10.

Now, mind you, that's MY opinion. Now where the word goes wrong is when it's used to ENTERTAIN the idea that 'FAT' and 'OBESE' people are 'thick'. It's a 'bandaid' word to not say the dreaded 'f' word... LOL NOT GONNA PASS! The description was started, in my opinion, to boost the morale of bigger women- not OBESE, UNHEALTHY women. At one point, the word 'skinny' meant 'beautiful', and it left many women such as myself on the outside. I'm a bigger woman... a PROUD size 14. A HEALTHY size 14. I will NEVER naturally be a size 2 or 4. I don't think even at a size 10 I'd be happy because I think I'd look like a glorified crack head- NOT a good look! ANYWAY- I digress...

So, Men what is is that you want? Make up your minds, DAMN IT.
I ask this because I often hear men say things like:

I don't want a fake woman (implants, fake colored contacts, injections and the works). I don't want a skinny woman. I want a woman with real hair (no weave). I want a confident woman. I want a natural woman. I don't want a woman who tries to be like the women on TV. blah blah blah!

Cool beans- right? Well I ask again, what do you want? I hear these 'complaints' all the time, but at any given time you (men) drool over those SAME women on TV! I know it's probably crazy, but what are we to do? 9 times out of 10, we (women) tend to copy what YOU drool over... because that's what you like. You claim you want a natural woman, (i.e. no weave, no fake nails, no overly done make up, no colored contacts), but here I am- none of that, but you fight to see Beyonce, Nicki Manaj, and all the other 'hot ladies' on TV. You claim you like 'natural women', but I never see that same excitement when India Aire, or Jill Scott do a show. Hmmm- so what is it that you really want- Make up your damn mind!

You want a confident woman right? Well when I'm confident in my size 14, you turn your head because I'm not a size 4. You want a confident woman who is fine in the skin she's in, but I have no make up on and look fine, but you run to blow up the ego of the make up whore next door. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?! STOP CONFUSING US...ME! MAKE UP YOUR MIND. Either you want the regular, natural, round the way girl or you don't. Don't say one thing, allow us to immulate that, then not accept us. WHAT THE HELL?!?!

OMG Quit your crying... it's not my fault!

2009-12-22T22:52:00.000-06:00

I've been hearing this for quite some time now, 'Dang, why can't you do this work for free/cheaper? It's too expensive for dental work'.

Well, to that I say, 'get over it!' I only say that because I think that like ANYTHING ELSE we want, we'll pay for it.

People take dental health for granted. They think 'they're just teeth... I brush, so I'm good'. Well the truth behind that is it's not 'just teeth'. And just brushing alone won't ensure good dental health. Those teeth have blood supply and nerve supply and if attacked, can and will cause pain and/or infection. Brushing can do a lot to keep worse situations at bay, but brushing alone will NOT keep a healthy mouth. That's why it's encouraged to brush, floss and use mouthwash AAANNDD visit a health care provider at least 2 times a year for check ups.

One part I don't get is this: (prepare for scenario)
Patient enters, let's say my office. He has 'okay' teeth. A few areas that will need fillings. Let's say I do his x-rays, and exam and charge him ummm $200.00 (we'll stick with nice round figures). His treatment plan (procedures that need to be done) equals up to about $1,000. This plan is NOT to be paid at once...it's a pay by procedure deal. (Example 10 services at 100 each- to be done at separate visits). Well, I tell patient: 'Sir/Ma'am, you need this, this, this and this done. I'd like to do blah blah right away, to decrease likelihood of more damage of the tooth, and it will cost blah dollars.' Patient USUALLY says, 'ummm naw, just pull it'. WHHYYYY pull a tooth for $75 dollars when it can be saved for $25.00 more? That baffles me! OR the patient response is, 'well doc, how long can I hold off?' )Depending on the situation, I can usually give a round-a-bout time frame.) So I say, 'Sir/Ma'am, I'd say if you keep the area clean, you can wait for PROBABLY ABOUT 2 months, give or take a week'. Patient says, 'okay, well I'm going to wait, because it's not hurting'. EXACTLY CRAZY- that's why you get it fixed NOW so that it doesn't HURT.
<>
Patient back in the office: 'Doc, aww man, my tooth is KILLING me, can I have that fiiling now.' I do the exam and what WAS a tooth that needed a filling back then, is not a tooth that needs a root canal. Now that $100.00 filling that could have been done a month ago is NOW a $500.00+ procedure. I tell the patient, 'well sir/ma'am, the decay is too far gone, can't be saved with a fillin now. It will require a RCT and a crown now.' Patient, 'but doc, you said 100.00, now it's 500.00!!' Me, 'well that was then, conditions have changed, that is why I encouraged you to get it done then to avoid this. THe other option is still to extract the tooth ($75.00)." Patient, 'well just pull it, I'll get a denture'. Me, 'denture is going to be about 2,000.' Patient, 'damn, why is this shit so expensive, you claim you trynna help me out, but you robbing me'. Me- to myself, 'IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW MUCH I HAD TO PAY FOR THE MATERIALS TO PUT IN YOUR MOUTH, THEN YOU'D NOT COMPLAIN SO MUCH! I DO WANT TO HELP, BUT I HAVE TO EAT TOO, I HAVE BILLS TO PAY TOO SO I HAVE TO CHARGE YOU, SO I CAN PAY PEOPLE AND SO I CAN GET A MEAL AND HAVE A ROOF OVER MY HEAD ALSO'. Now this patient's treatment plan went from a TOTAL $1000.00 to 1500.00 in a matter of 2.5 months! And that's not including what may be going on with the other ignored teeth! AND the patient is mad at ME because he/she opted out of the initial treatments!

Okay, so, let's say I pull this tooth, and a month later another ignored tooth swells his face up and he comes in again. NOW I gotta charge him for an emergency visit, PLUS write for antibiotics, PLUS pain meds, PLUS the extraction fee. AND he's angry again! WHYYYY?!?! NOWWW let's compound the problem by the fact that anesthesia doesn't like to work in infected areas! So, the desired effect is a level 10, in infection, we're good to get about a 5. Sorry, nothing I can do about that! So, now you're infected with a tooth that would have cost $100.00 to fix 3 months ago, that wasn't hurting, but decayed, that COULD HAVE prevented all this suffering you're having to go through now. NOW instead of a little $100.00, some anesthesia, a lil drill SOUND and a filling and a happy mouth- you got this! A swollen face full of infection, injection that won't work well, 2 prescriptions probably stitches, and a painful procedure... ALLL for $75, PLUS the $100.00 emergency visit, PLUS pain meds... (let's say total $250.00). Now you're missing 2 teeth, out of over 400.00 bucks- all because you wanted to wait...

AND you wanna blame me?!?!
Dear Patient:
Do NOT come in the dental office angry at the dentist because YOU have opted to NOT care for your teeth. It is not my fault, as a dentist, that you decided to buy new jordans each month instead of put aside a few dollars to save for the dental exam. I'm sorry that blowing money on weed and booze took away from your dental fillings stash so now you gotta do what ever to try to get money for a RCT and you mad at me?

OMG- QUIT YOUR CRYING!!! IT's NOT MY FAULT!

My Crush and 3 questions you all need to answer for me!

2009-12-20T10:05:00.000-06:00

Having a crush on someone is like putting your heart in a Ziploc bag and checking it at the airport luggage counter. There is a chance it will make the trip and come out unscathed, but there is a much greater chance that it will be bruised in some way.

So people... I have this crush. YES- Im' 30 damn years old with a crush. LOL Well, I'm not sure if it's considered a crush, because he knows, we know, we've been 'involved' to an extent, but nothing has majorly developed. (sigh) I'm not sure why really. At times during this 5 year 'crush' period, there have been periods when he's been involved with another woman/women and me with another man/men. During those times, my crush and I didn't interact a whole lot. He's my friend, so we would speak and what not, but none of the super heavy flirting we tend to do when we're single.

Recently, I became newly single again, and of course the 'crush' was instantly at the front of my mind. He never left my mind really, but I packed him a lil further back to focus on the on-again off-again relationship I was in. (A relationship that was on/off for 5 years). Crazy that I met the ex and the crush around the same time. I found out that the crush had a 'special someone' at the time, so I didn't trip... I just 'lived' and that living linked me to the recent ex. Anyway- So recently I broke up with the bf. The crush and I started our 'goofing off' again (via text and twitter mostly). He ended up in my city, and I saw him. More of the flirting and what not- as usual.

One weekend, my friends and I went to Atl for the Saints Falcons game. So did the crush and his friends. The plan was for me and the crush to hook up and hang out a minute. (We did live in the same city, I graduated, and moved away. He's in the city still and will move when he graduates in May- just not sure where he's going though). Anyway, one night of the weekend, my girls and I went out. We contacted the crush and his friends and pretty much went to where they were. I get there and the crush wasn't there. Me, being the 'cool chick' that I am ;-) didn't ask about him. I just tried to have a lil fun. (I was, however, quite disappointed because I wanted to see him ya know). I didn't ask because of the people in town with the ex, only 2 of the people knew of our 'flings'. The others didn't know (or at least I don't think they know). My friend and I were standing and just looking. One of the Crush's friends came by us and my girl asks, 'so where is *crush*?'. The friend, in a drunken slur says, 'Oh, mannn *crush* is all boo'd up, he's got a little friend here in ATL'. ME- (shocked face and disappointed face and angry face and jealous face)! Well, I TRIED my damnedest to keep it together, I think I did alright. When I over heard it, I sent crush a message asking, 'hmm, where are you? the gang's all here but you. You too drunk or too good to hang out tonight'? NO RESPONSE! I continued to chill and such. We finally leave for home. The next morning, I see on twitter a message from crush, 'got some good sleep, ready for the game now'. Then moments later I get a text response, 'yep- I was too drunk and too good LOL :-), are you going to the game?'. I respond, 'umm hmm, you were probably laid up with some jezzybell. yeah we're going to the game'. His response, 'yeah I prob was'. Me- WTF!?!?! Anyway, I don't THINK I reacted much, I tried to surpress my issues with this weekend! I go to the game, enoy it as usual. After the game we head home- Me to NOLA, my friends to Shreveport. I drove the WHOLE 8.5 hours with my mind racing about the happenings.

OMG- what to do what to do?!?!
#1- can I rightfully tell the crush I KNOW he was not telling the truth about 'sleeping all night'? That I KNOW he was out with some girl? I mean he is NOT my 'man'...

#2- My feelings were hurt by that. The crush IS my 'friend', can I say somethign about my feelings being hurt? I mean he IS my friend, my crush, and he is VERY aware of how I feel about him.

#3- How in the world am I supposed to go about getting this thing solidified between us or letting it completely go? I don't get it! I like hanging out with him when we are together... I miss him terribly since we've been apart. I wanna tell him all of this stuff, but he's so friggin quiet until I'm not sure if the quiet means 'so what' or if the quiet means, 'hmmm I feel the same'. WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO?!?! sheesh!

From here on out...the rest is just a piece I found about 'crushes'. If you care to read on, have at it..if not..offer your advice/answers to the 3 questions please..
That will be all...

What is a crush
A crush involves admiring someone from a safe distance. You feel a hugely powerful emotion, stronger than anything you've felt before. You obsess over this person. You would die for them. You think about them constantly. You are thrilled when you are near them and miserable when you are away from them. You desperately want to tell the person how you feel - but are frightened of it at the same time.

If you're involved in a crush - enjoy it! We have ALL had crushes over the years and they're something you look back on with great fondness. Look at what makes your crush special. Those qualities that you admire in your crush are qualities that are very special to you, and it's very important to learn what those are. It helps you when you look for a real boyfriend or girlfriend to date, to know what you are drawn to.

Also, learn how to handle your feelings. Most of what a crush is about is learning that you get POWERFUL emotions in relationships - and that you need to deal with them. Just like you learned in earlier years how to deal with strong anger and strong sadness, you're now learning how to deal with strong feelings of attraction. You're learning that it's a nice feeling - but that it's a painful feeling if you let it take over your life. You need to be able to balance those feelings with the rest of what is going on in your world.

As hard as it might seem right now, your feelings for your crush will even out over time. It usually takes a few weeks to a few months, but you will learn to bring them under control. And as you learn more about life, you will find someone that is your own age, and actually someone you can *date* to start to become interested in. When that's the case, you can work to be their friend, and then their best friend. And it's at that point that your interests change from a crush to a real, meaningful relationship.

Tis the Season Right? Making my list

2009-12-18T20:34:00.000-06:00

Today is December 18, 2009. Christmas is 7 days away. I don't get to go home for Christmas because I'm on call! YYIIPPEEE **insert sarcasm here please**. I have not purchased ONE gift! Lucky for me, I'm not married, I'm single, my sister is grown, no kids, and younger cousins are all old enough to know the real meaning of Christmas.

I'm not going to kid myself though. Although we were raised with the whole Santa thing, we were also taught the real reason for the season. I can't lie- it ROCKS to get cool stuff for Christmas. This year, I've dropped the ball! I have not gone shopping yet! I'm making my list tonight, spending all day tomorrow shopping. I have a general idea for my dad, mom, and sister. In my family, we pull names as secret Santas (my mom and her siblings pull, then my sister and I pull names with our 8 cousins). I'm the oldest, and I think everybody still expects a little some thing from me even though I didn't get their name! It's okay though, they're all my 'babies' and I don't care if the youngest is no 16! (Sniffle sniffle- they grow up so friggin fast don't they?!!?) One of my cousins has 3 little ones- who I will try not to spoil, but the 5 and 4 year old little boys will most def get a noisy boy toy and the little 3 year old girl will get a doll that's tough enough for her! The older cousins (at least the 4 I get a little for) will get a little cash. The 17 and 16 year old boys will get a $10.00 each. I know- not much, but HEY- I'm just the cousin, and it will get a snack after school or something. The 16 year old girl..well she's my special one. Her moma (my aunt) has been sick for a while and hasn't been able to work. Her dad isn't REALLY in the picture, so my sister and I try to make sure she doesn't 'need' anything. So- I'll probably give her a little cash and make sure she has a new pair of shoes for school and probably a little 'extra' something. (What teen doesn't appreciate a 'fun' gift to go along with the needed things ya know). My 21 year old cousin is also my special one too. He dad died when she was 12. Her mom/aunt had done an amazing job with her and her 16 year old brother (mentioned earlier). She is a jr in college, on the dean's list for all 3 years! (Yeeahhh go smart family!) Her mom is a kindergarten teacher, so she doesn't make a whole lot... so again, my sister and I try to make sure she doesn't need anything. I don't know what she really needs, so I think I'll give her $25.00 for what ever and then I will take her shopping after the holidays (better sales, and she is a bargin shopper).

My sister- hmm let's see... that girl needs NOTHING! LOL She's HINTED at a Wii, so who knows, I might get that for her and tell my parents to get her that yoga game that she 'HINTS' at!

My dad- I think I'll get him some fancy liquor for his 'man dome'! (He build a HUGE mini-house behind our house with his TV, flat screen, pool table, dart board, card table, and mini bar).

My mom- currently losing a TON of weight... I'll prob get her a UP TO DATE outfit... my poor mom dresses like an old woman! LOL she's only 51!

As for me- all I really want is for everybody to be happy and have fun. My fam has decided they are coming to New Orleans for Christmas because I can't go home until Dec 26th (when I am off call at 7am). I just don't know if that's a good idea because I only have a 2 br apt, while spacious, it's not big enough for the 10 people who will probably come!

I have to say, I haven't been in a huge 'CHRISTMAS-Y' spirit this year. I think it's because this year I've been awakened to so much. Often times we wait until 'holidays' to count our blessings, but this year- I've been reminded of my abundant blessings daily. At work I'm a dental resident at University Hospital, where we see many free care patients, and very sick patients. I see so many conditions and so many situations that make me feel 'CHRISTMAS-Y' daily. I think that's my gift...and it started back in July when I started working there. That's not to say I've never felt greatful for my blessings, it's just when you're around less fortunate people, it reminds you that what ever you have, could be gone at any moment. It reminds you to give thanks for the accomplishments you've acquired. It allows you to use your God given gifts to possibly uplift the spirits of others and offer kinds words and offer a smile to some people who haven't seen and/or heard things like that in years.

I will say- I've left work several times quite flustered and completely worn out. Despite that, I can always think back to the cancer patient I was able to extract his/her teeth in one appointment, so that he/she could start radiation therapy 2 days earlier than expected. I think about the denture patient who tried to committ suicide by shooting himself in the face. His story chills me to the bone, and I relish in the fact that he's much more appreciative of his life and I was able to give him the smile he's longed for. Every time I can see a patient smile after I remove a painful tooth, or fill a painful tooth, or deliver teeth (dentures), it's like a big ole fat present- daily! LOL

How can I be so lucky! I've worked for 10 years to get here...HHHAARRDD work I tell ya. And I can truly say I'm blessed enough to know that the results are very rewarding and I actually LOVE what I do!

Happy Holidays everybody...
and don't forget- it's good to give gifts and all, but there is a much bigger picture. And I encourage everybody to find that Christmas spirit daily though.. I know I have and I never want to let the feeling go!

Merry Christmas (or Happy what ever you celebrate!)

Oh Me Oh My!!!

2009-12-18T18:45:00.000-06:00

I haven't done a 'clinic' blog in a while. I haven't had a whole lot to blog about because I've been back in my general dentistry zone- so 90% of the patients I'm seeing now are patient's who are assigned to me and I'm their primary dental care provider, they craziness is pretty much gone. HOWEVER- today and yesterday I had a bit of an 'adventure'!
Yesterday: I decided to help out my co-resident by taking her call shift until she got her car fixed. I was the only dentist in the clinic PLUS if any call came in, I was responsible for handeling that too. Everything was find until about 10am. I get a call from the ER. The ER doc says: 'hi Dr. I have a 26 year old here with significant swelling to her lower right cheek. Her teeth don't seem to look too bad though'. I say, 'okay, well send her on up, I'll get an x-ray and check it out'. About 20 minutes later the patient comes up with her sister, brother, and the brother's girlfriend. The radiograph was taken, visible infection present (which caused the swelling of course, and probably primary contributor to the pain.) I walk into the treatment room and INSTANTLY the sister tells the patient, 'uh ohh, here comes the pain'. (LOL) Now, typically this would be just laughed off, and the exam began, but this lady wasn't having it... SHE WAS ALEADY SCREAMING AND CRYING! I asked her to let me take a look, she did- reluctantly. THe tooth in question was on the LEFT side and NOT the right side as reported by the ER (LESSON: always do your own exam..never take anybody's word only!) . I explained everything to the patient- how with infection, the lidocaine won't work as well, but the goal was to get her out of pain and to take the tooth out with as little pain as possible. I give the first injection and she slides almost completely out the chair. I got her numb (her tissues were blanched, and she said her lip felt fat). I begin to extract the tooth... I put the forceps on and she grabs my hand (Lesson: a NO NO- never grab the dentist's hand during a procedure..can cause more problems than not, just RAISE a hand and typically the dentist will recogonize it as a sign of distress) I stopped, asked what was wrong. SHe said 'I don't want to do this no more, I'm leaving'. I explain it would be benificial to get the tooth out ESPECIALLY because it was now loose, and because this was her 2nd time in the ER for the same tooth in 2 months. She refuesd about 10 times, so I let her go. (Lesson: stop being a baby!)

Today: Interesting case. 26 y/o male needs 6 extractions. Problem- severe hemophelia A. Which means he had to be admitted last night for fibrin therapy then to us today for teh extractions. I hadn't seen the patient before today. I HEARD a patient asking the nurses 'man, is this gonna hurt, I can't take much pain, awww man, this finna be baddd'. The voice happened to be my patient. I get him in the treatment room, go over paper work, and explain the injections and what not. I give him 4 injections on the right and 3 on the left. After the first injection, you're numb enough to not feel the others... I start trying to move the tooth, adn he starts to tear up! I ask if he was okay- his answer 'yeah, go head'. I try to elevate the tooth, he jumps, moans, and wiggles. I stop adn ask 'are you okay sir'. His answer 'yes'. After doing this for 30 minutes I said, 'Sir, let me ask you this... why are you wiggling all around becasue of an extraction and you got allll these tattoos on you'? He said 'beacuse I be drunk when I get these'. (LOL) I was able to get out 1/2 of the last tooth on the lower right. I had to readmit him to the hospital until tomorrow. We will CERTAINLY sedate him tomorrow morning- if not, we'll NEVER get those root tips out.

WHEW- long day!

Friends...how many of us have them?!?!

2009-12-17T18:26:00.000-06:00

Hiya all! Miss me? Well, I've been gone a minute, no particular reason- but I'm back now. Nothing major to blog about, so Imma talk about my trip to ATL real quick. Since I graduated from Meharry and moved to New Orleans, I've been a little outside of my element. I love the city, but haven't had anyone to really get out and enjoy things with. My best friend graduated from Meharry in 2008 and moved to Shereveport, a few hours away from here. We haven't gotten to hang out very much. In July for Essence and recently when we decided to go to ATL for the Falcons/Saints game. BOY! what a drive!!! Anyway, it was good to hang out again.

I was thinking recently about how we have friends/associates in and out of our lives for specific reasons. I have friends who I've known for 30 years. We're still very much so friends, but we don't talk very much, but I know they'll be there for me if I ever needed them and vice versa. They are my Original BFFs. I have several friends I met in college, one in particular who quickly became my college BFF. I'm the 'tee-tee V' to her 3 year old Chole and 10 month old Parker (they're so cute...LOL). When I went to Meharry, I met a few folks and was cool with a lot of them... but my friend India eventually became my Meharry BFF. Sure, I had other friends, but India was always more relatable. We were so similar, but where we differed, we respected each other's differences. So this blog is just a shout out to my BFF India...and a tribute to 'good friends' all over the world! It's great to have good friends huh?

Just thinking...What's in a name?

2009-12-02T21:28:00.000-06:00

I was on the way to work this morning. I was listening to the Steve Harvey Morning show as usual. On Wednesday's they have the Essence Hot Topic. Today the issue was 'are minorities getting overlooked because of names'. (They also touched on a little affirmative action and brought up an issue of: 'since President Obama has been elected, is affirmative action still needed?- To be blogged about later). So- One example of a 'name that is often overlooked' was 'Jamal'. They had several more, but for some reason Jamal stood out to me, I guess because I had a childhood friend with that name, who was extremely intelligent. (Who knows where he is now and what he's doing... but oh well..) Anyway. I was thinking today... what really IS in a name?

They talked about how 'black sounding names' on applications and resumes were trashed before lookin at any qualifications. The 'white sounding names' that appeared on applications peaked interests more and applications were reviewed and interviews granted. (This isn't to say that these people were hired, BUT were a heck of a lot closer than the ones who's apps got tossed).

If there is an applicant with a white name- for blog's sake- let's say Bethany applied for a job as a teacher's assistant. Let's say- again for blog's sake- that the requirements are: high school diploma and 4 years experience in child care. Bethany dropped out of high school in 11th grade, and had 2 children of her own who are wards of the state because she was negligent. Let's also say an applicant with a black name- for blog's sake- let's say Shaquintilla applied for that same job. According to the radio discussion, Shericka's application would most likely be tossed even though she graduated top of her high school class, graduated in the top 10% of a community college, worked for the last 7 years in a daycare (from general employee to daycare director). Kinda sucks huh? And is very wrong. In this situation, Bethany was pretty much a waste of an interview, but based on 'name alone' she was considered. And based on 'name alone', Shericka was snubbed of an opportunity.

They also went on to talk about how some 'black sounding named' individuals (example-made up name): Quashon Christopher Davis has been encouraged to fill out applications using partial names, such as Q. Christopher Davis or just Christopher Davis... because 'Christopher' is neither 'black' or 'white'. Go figure! When in the world will people be judged on content of character and not on petty things such as a name.

As a black woman, growing up in a black community, we have- for some reason, made a sport of 'making up names' or trying to find names that are unique. Ehhh... I can't lie, some of the names are VERY interesting... LOL and some quite stupid! I agree, that some names may make you question the 'character', but it wasn't like little Shithead (pronouced Sha-theed) could come out the womb and say, 'Moma, don't make up a name for me please. Please name me Michael or Cory or Brandon or something 'job worthy'. Baby Aquanesha couldn't crawl up to her mom and say, 'mother dear, this name is going to hinder me from future jobs... '. A mother should know better you say? Well... how could she when her name is 'La'Trendalyn' (LOL) And her mother should have known better you think, right? Well... again..how could she when her name is 'Curdy Mae'. (the names previously mentioned in THIS paragraph are names of people I have actually met!!! sad...but true! LOL).

It's funny how my sister (Natalie) and I were often the butt of many jokes because we had 'white names'. I'd say my family has relatively 'equi-race' (yes, I made that up, but I know you get the meaning) names: Veronica, Trilana (a stretch), Cory, Natalie, Percy Jr, Prentiss III, Savannah, Marcus, Denzel (maybe not so 'white', but not a bad name), and Shericka (yeah- probably the most 'black' name of all of us). Now, the paternal side MIGHT be a lil different (LOL) Still I'd say FOR THE MOST PART, according to the radio show, most of my maternal cousins wouldn't be tossed as applicants.

What ever happened to 'regular' names with 'meaning'? Why have we, as a black community, decided to get SOOO creative with the name and neglect the more important issues sometimes. Some times we, forget to be creative with how to teach and train our children. NO- not a mother yet, BUT, I've had my share of the baby sitting and assisted in rasing a few little ones...
(Sigh) well..I guess that's all of my venting/typing release for now...

Later folks!

Back to work on tomorrow...and I gotta vent!

2009-11-29T16:04:00.000-06:00

This week I was on vacation! YES- excellent. I was glad to have a break from horrible teeth for a minute. I was good that I had the vacay, but was a little pissed that all my co-residents end up with 2 extra days of vacation time. See, after our Oral Surgery rotation and our ER rotation, we get the 4th week as vacation time. Well, my Oral surgery vacation started Nov 23 (my b-day) and went through Thanksgiving break. That was okay, BUT- if you count up the days... everybody else got their FULL week vacation at some point PLUS Thurs and Fri for Thanksgiving, and mine were 'built in'. I PERSONALLY don't think it's fair, but hey- so is life right?!?!

Anyway, spent the Saturday (Nov 21) in Mississippi as I usually do for the JSU/ASU Capital City Classic/Soul Bowl with my child hood friends. I didn't have a particularly good time there. I'm not sure why. It may be because I was just truly bored because of the rain that put a damper on the weekend, OR it could have been my mind being pre occupied with the issue of my recent break up with my on again off again boyfriend of 5 years. Either way, I did try to enjoy my self.

On Monday (my 30th b-day) I traveled back to New Orleans. I spent the WHOLE day alone... chillin on my sofa in my favorite red plaid pj bottoms and tank top. Ehhh not exciting, but I spent my day the way my day wanted to be spent I guess. WWHHOO-HOOO celebration right? HA- yeah right!

Tuesday my cousin came from Houston, and we drove to Mississippi on Wednesday, to our parents' house. He hadn't been home in FOREVER so his mom (my aunt) and his little sister were very excited to see him.

Wednesday afternoon, my dad and I drove to Jonesboro Arkansas to my little sister's house to meet my mom, grandma, and 3 little cousins. The family (all aunts, and kids) came for Thanksgiving. It was like one huge slumber party! LOL all the kids (me and my 1st cousins and the 3 little ones) camped out in the living room on blankets and stuff. The adults got the beds and the rooms! LOL NoTHING like a 4 year old and a 5 year old who talks and walks in their sleep. I had to play supervisor allll night to make sure they didn't get to the door! One cousin slept by the back door to make sure. There was a pretty heavy chair in front of the front door and the garage door was unsecured because if one got out side, the garage was down. Fun times!

Well the Bayou Classic, traditionally the weekend after Thanksgiving, a game between Southern Jaguars and the GSU Tigers was SUPPOSED to be on and poppin. My friends from MS were invited. The plan was to continue my b-day celebration since the rain put a damper on the b-day events in Jackson. I mentioned it to them SEVERAL times... by 'several' I mean all day Friday, all day Saturday, and then on Sunday when I was packing to leave Jackson. I said on SEVERAL OCCASSIONS: 'hey guys, ya'll should all come down to New Orleans (3 hours away) this weekend'. Nobody said anything, nobody discussed anything. I get back to New Orleans on Saturday night, no phone call from any of them. Yes- I was a bit pissed! So- I spent the last of my NON-EVENTFUL b-day week/vacation week/Thanksgiving break alone on my sofa folding laundry! Way to bring in the 30's right?

Why did that piss me off that my friends didn't hang out with me? WELL, I'm glad you asked!
#1- I lived in Nashville for 6 years. The WHOLE while I was there, they NEVER came to visit. There were times when I needed my girls, ya know. No, I wasn't sick. No, I wasn't depressed, but there were times I missed them and COULDN'T get to MS to see them. When I did get to see them it was when I drove the 6 hours- by myself to go to Homecoming or Capital City Classic. That trip was funded by ME- alone. I understand one of them didn't get very many off days due to her job. I wasn't trippin about that. One was a teacher, with weekends off. The other one, who rarely hangs out anyway wasn't an issue with me...she's cool, she's a wife and mom, so she's excused. Another one is the cousin of the first one who is cool too, I've known her just as long. The cousin is a student, so has weekends off too. The ride to Nashville was about 6 hours. IF 3 of them came, they could SPLIT gas prices..of which I never could do on my trips to MS. They would already have a place to stay. I had a 2 br apt, 2 br sets, a large living room and huge sofa. I ALWAYS had food, so we didn't have to eat out. We coulda cooked. UNLIKE when I spend all my money (wait- mind you I was a student at the time, I had a little part time job PROBABLY 20 or fewer hours a week). I had to pay for gas for my truck to get there, I had to pay for food when I got there, I USUALLY was the driver when I got there (even after that 6 hour drive). I usually had to put in money for the 'liquor' of which I hardly drank when I got there. For 6 years I did this. ALLLLLL I was asking was that maybe- just maybe they visit ME for a change. The 'excuse' was usually - 'oh my car won't make it'. EVEN THOUGH all 3 had vehicles. True- one of them probably would't make it, but another had a BRAND NEW mustang. The other had some kind of Mazdza that was in great condition for a 6 hour drive. They eventually came for my graduation. I was REALLY excited. My friends (from about 5 years old) were finally coming to my adopted city of Nashville and we're gonna have a blast! Well- HA- joke was on me!!! They ONLY came for the ceremony! They came to eat afterwards at my dinner. I was expecting for them to start asking about the night's events, but nobody did. They just all kinda lookd a little nervous or unsure. I finally started announcing the eventes... the parties we'd hit up and so on. Only to hear, 'oh, ummmm we're not staying, we want to go shopping in Memphis. We're actually about to leave now, our bags are already in the car'. (SHOCKED FACE) WOW! Rain on my graduation parade! Oh well, my boyfriend was there, he and I, along with my classmates and my Nashville friends would certainly have a great time.

I always managed to get over them not visiting, but from time to time, the feelings of 'anger' and 'disappointment' creep back up. This latest event of them not visiting just kinda brought up all those past ill feelings. I don't wanna say anything to them because I'm sure nothing will change (you'll just have to know these girls, folks). Anyway, I find myself trynna figure out if it's me that's over reacting. Have we just grown apart since we've grown up? How and when was is it that it's been quietly decided that I would be the traveler? How have I been deemed the one with the most money to fund these trips? Should I be a lil pissed? I don't know??!!?

Twitter me this... Twitter me that!

2009-11-27T02:21:00.000-06:00

So... I'm twittering now. No particulars reason. Wanna follow me? Well do so! I'm MissySippi on there!

MY SHORTEST BLOG YET!!!!

2009-11-23T13:21:00.000-06:00

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

One great era ending... and I'm still confused about men! Birthday Curse?

2009-11-22T13:52:00.000-06:00

Well, tomorrow is my 30th birthday. Goodbye to the 20's (sigh). I've been thinking alot about the past 10 years. Thinking about how much I've accomplished and learned; and of course, about my shortcomings and disappointments. I want to take this time to thank a few people who have helped me to get to this point in my life. I probably won't name names, but if I do, and your name isn't listed, don't be offended... (and well, if you do get offended, I suggest you get over it... LOL it's my blog and it's written just how I'd like it written...mmkay?!?)
.

At the age of 21 -

I want to thank Mr. Liar for helping me conjur up strength that I never knew I had. Although it sucked that I devoted close to 8 years of my life to you and to us. I thank you for deciding to cheat, get her pregnant and eventually marry her. By you doing that, I realized there was more for me. Thanks for indirectly motivating me continue with my educational career and become who I am now. I don't doubt that you loved me for a time. I loved you too, I'm just thankful that somewhere along the line, after the hurt and pain, I was able to forgive you, move on and thrive. Thanks for helping me discover more of my determination and more of my strength.
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To my girls (JCJC mainly) Bridgett, Tamikia, Pam, Ann, Janu, Tangie (and the rest of ya'll...) no need to really go into much, ya'll know I love ya'll and I L-O-V-E the foolishness we created! LOL and thanks for helping me through the situation with Mr. Liar... Ya'll know who he is!
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During my JSU years

To all of the people I met there- thanks for the memories and the fun times! To the JSU Insatiables... fun times people- fun times. To you, Mr. You Know Who You Are. I've already thanked you for not telling me the truth before, and for again, forcing me to dig deep inside of me to strengthen myself more, so I won't go all into that again... :-) What I will do is say, on a more serious note is thanks for becoming one of my best friends. LOL crazy how I hated you and wanted to run you over with my car a few times and how I wanted to stab you with my rattail comb has turned into such a great friendship. Thanks man! ;-).

My JSU girls: Erica Young Fraizer, Lynsi, Teri Lowe, Sherlynda (and the others), thanks for making my transition to JSU so easy and interesting folks! ERICA- hands down bestest roommate ever! Oh the memories!!! LOL

My Dear Old Meharry Days

The good, the bad and the ugly. Thanks a lot to MEHARRY in general. Thanks for giving me the instruction I needed to become a sucessful dentist. Thanks again for REPEATEDLY forcing me to teach my self stress relief methods. Thanks Meharry for reminding me that there are beings and powers greater than the hands, minds, and people floating through the halls at MMC. That God took care of everything. That was the main thing that helped me rest at night. To all the folks I met there and don't talk to much any more... WHY?!?! To the folks I met there and still keep in touch with, well ya know it's pretty much friendships til the end. To Mr. I Didn't Know (you probably won't know this is in reference to you either...LOL slowest nerd I've EVER met in life I swear!)... Yeah, you....thanks for the distractions, they were very much needed! Thanks for also making me more confused about things than I was while sitting in biochemistry! To this DAY I still don't really know what's going on, but for what ever reason, the confusion adds to the silent mystery that happens to be you. (Shrugs shoulders), I guess it adds to the attraction too I reckon- YES I said RECKON because it IS a word. India, Danielle D, Beverly- I'd most def say my MMC BFF's... nuff said. Er'body else... oh well MMC pretty much has bond us... so you just gotta deal with me saying 'hi' from here til the time we leave this earth! If you don't like it... delete my number! ( :-) )

As I enter the 'dirty 30's', I hope to continue to attaining each goal I set. I try not to complain, but I do have 'concerns'. I have done so much. I have accomplished so much. I am one day shy of being 30 years old. No children. Job I love. Food at any given time. Shelter. Clothes and shoes in abundance. I'm healthy (other than these knees of mine... darn ACL surgeries). I'm attractive (if I do say so myself...annnd i DO!). I'm fun. I'm funny. I'm easy to get along with. Yet- I'm single. Go Figure! Can't figure out, especially at this point, what the problem is. I can NOT for the life of me get a grasp on what I'm doing wrong, or what I'm not doing enough of, or too much of. Do I give up on them (men in my life... past and/or present) too easily? Do I hang on too long- always giving second chances- giving them a 'pass' to keep messing up, not progressing? Am I too hard on them- demanding bettering themselves in order to better us? Am I supposed to 'settle' for 'an okay' guy and HOPE he 'changes'? Am I supposed to 'dumb myself' down to get a guy? WHAT IN THE WORLD is wrong- with me? with them? Answers?!?! Ideas? I am pretty much at a loss...

There have been a total of 4 men in my life who've I've felt intense feelings for. I mentioned 3 a little while ago. I met Mr. Liar in 1st grade! He was my bf off and on from about 6th grade-sophomore year of college. At some point I OBVIOUSLY got too comfortable, thinking we'd made it. Especially after we'd talked about marriage since sr. year of high school! HA- I guess our discussions about marriage laid the foundation for his marriage to the other girl! LOL. OF which I found out about the engagement on my 21st bday, while I was waiting on him to pick me up for my b-day dinner! Happy Birthday to me huh?!? (He did finally apologize for the lies and the hurt and pain he caused me... took about 7 or 8 years though...)

Mr. You Know Who You Are- in retrospect, started proably as a 'rebound' as I met him about 2 months after the Mr. Liar situation. Turns out though that Mr. You Know Who You Are kept my attention for a year or longer...turned out to be a pretty decent fella. That is until, around my 22 or 23rd bday, I heard about HIS girlfriend. YEP ya heard it, at my b-day AGAIN-and another girlfriend behind my back. We had beef for a minute, but eventually made up. He apologized almost instantly. I accepted it, but still didnt' talk to him for a while. I mean what?!?!I'm human! I was hurt...again. Bounced back, and oddly, gained a pretty good friend outta all the pain.

Mr. I Didn't Know came along a bit later. Saw this guy at school one day. Decided then that his name would be 'Boyfriend'. LOL (I referred to him as this to my friends until I actually learned his name...). Anyway, I was kinda seeing somebody at the time I met 'Boyfriend', so wasn't a whole lotta action between me and Mr. I Didn't Know until or unless we were both single. He because probably- to this day, my favorite flirt friend and dance buddy. My attraction to him confuses me. We hardly talk, but when we do, it's always interesting and fun. We rarely see each other, but when we do/did, it was always the most fun! He's comical, smart, driven, athletic, attractive, and very sweet, rather quiet (which is a little unnerving for me), and just all around 'good people'. So- what's the problem you ask? HELL- I dont' know either! LOL He's so quiet, he never actually SAYS 'how he's feeling'. He's so hard to read. I can't tell how interested, if interested at all. What to do what to do?!?! Ask him, hmmm? Sure thing. Problem is, responses that never realllly answer. (shrugs shoulders- go figure). The words aren't there much, but actions while together speaks volumns, but it stops there. What am I missing? Hmmm? Anybody?

Mr. Off and On. My current 'ex' situation. Guy is cool people. Been 5 years off and on. Love the guy. On a scale of 1-10, he's an easy 7.5 most days. Ended up having to part ways very recently (wouldn't you know it....a week ago... again around my b-day. Do I have a relationship Birthday curse?!?!? Always glad to have another birthday, but dang it... can I make it through one WITH a relationship in tact... is that too much to ask for?). I guess I need him to grow up. I dont' know. But not sure I'm willing to wait for this to happen. Time out for games....

If I could, I'd magically combine Mr. I Didn't Know and Mr. Off and On. Somehow incorporate Mr. Off and On's attention and CONSISTANT affection into Mr. I Didn't Know. Or Mr. I Didn't Know's drive and intellect into Mr. Off and On. Until that technology comes along... looks like Imma roll solo. I can't settle for 50% of what it is I NEED from a man when I can continue with the 100% I'm getting from me. (sigh).

Happy Birthday Me!

Amazing... Simply Amazing...

2009-11-11T15:44:00.000-06:00

Have you ever found your self a 'TINY' bit under the weather?

Ever found your self complaining because your nose is stuffy, and you just don't think you can go on?

Well- I know I have! I am like a big baby/drama queen when I get sick..even a little bit.

**that is, until recently**

I've been on OMFS rotation this month (oral and maxillofacial surgery). Eeehhh, it's not a WHOLE lot different than my job as a general practice dentist for the most part. OMFS tends to handle 'more complex' cases of extractions, and larger facial abscesses, they fix broken jaws, and piece busted faces back together (at least in this program). We see quite a few oral pathology patients....or patients who after seeing us learn they have oral pathology (cancers and such).

One story stands out the most to me right now. It goes as follows:

-22 year old patient comes to the clinic about a 3-4 weeks ago.

-Swollen right cheek. (no biggie- that's what most patients look like when they show up... bad tooth/abscess).

- Oral Surgeons go to examine the 'abscess', decided to try to extract the teeth by the 'abscess' and allow it to drain from there.

-teeth came out WWAYY too easy, and no supperation (pus). They got upper level Oral Surgeons involved.

-A portion of the 'mass' was taken, sent for biopsy.

-patient returns 2 wks ago for biopsy results..... CANCER. Very VERY aggressive. (turns out she was sent to the clinic by her ob-gyn. Ob-gyn thought she had a bad abscess also. After biopsy results, it was discovered, she was visiting the ob-gyn for a 'bump/knot' on her hip/pelvic area... which turns out to be cancerous also).

-patient was obviously upset, she calmed down, walked out the clinic quite brave looking. Her mother- seemingly detatched.

Yesterday:

-Patient back in clinic for follow up. Swelling 4-5 times as large. Patient in much more pain. Can't close her mouth, can't swallow, can't eat. Losing major weight. STILL in 'good spirits'.

-The chief eventually goes in to the treatment room, I was in there for a little while. The chief asked her, in a not so brave voice: 'So, Ms. X, you have a good supportive family?" Ms. X, says 'Yes sir...see my aunt right there, she been with me from the start of all of this...". Doc says, 'well do you have any children?' Ms. X says, 'sure do...3 bad ones too (LOL)". Doc swallows hard, and asks, 'well, do you have any family who could help take care of your kids..umm, in the event that well... umm..." This is when I walked out, to pick up another patient and was asked to close the door. (Closed door - that's usually signs of bad news to come)

-Moments later, patient's aunt outside my treatment room's door, VERY upset. Hear her ask, 'doc, how much time are we talking?' Heard the Doc say, 'Ma'am, I wish I could give you all a time frame. This thing is just so aggressive, and the very best I can tell you is: any day now.

After all of that commotion was over (the crying and stuff, the motions to have her admitted for some kind of surgery on today...), I went to talk to the Oral Surgeons about what was happening. I asked about the kind of cancer. All I got was 'it's bad... rare, and it's pretty much through out her body...nobody caught it until we saw her last month. Her Ob-gyn was 'watching' the bump on her hip/pelvis, but it hadn't changed in size, so was never biopsied." I then ask, 'so, what's her chances looking like- as far as surviving this thing?' The answer I got kinda chilled me, he said,'well, as the doctor in me, I tell you she's pretty much a goner, we just can't say when, but it's close.... so very close. It's crazy though, because she's so upbeat, and she's not 'sick', just 'hurting in her mouth' a little (according to the patient). As the Christian in me, I'm praying for the kid. I know that as a Doctor, I can only do so much, and I do that with Faith guided hands and mind. I'm not the one who makes the final call, it's God, and I'm asking God to give her some more time...we're trying to remove some of the mass on tomorrow, hoping that may at least keep her out of pain, but scientifically/medically, her prognosis is very poor, she is going to die, and soon.'

**bringing me back to my intro quesitons: Do you ever OVERLY complain about tiny aches and pains? This 22 year old mother (of 3), came in for what was ASSUMED to be an abscess/bad tooth, to get the news 3-4 weeks later that she needs to find somebody to adopt her children because she won't be around much longer... 'any time now'. **

That little sniffle in your nose doesn't seem so bad now huh? Amazing, Simply Amazing how our complaints pale in comparison to other's situations. Why do the complaining? Praise God (or give thanks to your Higher Power) for being able to just sniffle, and recover in a few days...

I won't complain...

2009-11-06T21:43:00.000-06:00

SOOOO kiddos-

A quick short note about today.

Well, I just started my Oral Surgery Rotation (OMFS). As a part of this rotation, I do rounds on patients, learn to do minor facial reconstructions, different suture techniques and all that jazz. Today was my first round. I was up REALLY late last night working on a presentation for my program (which happens to be General Practice Residency or 'GPR'). I finally finished and fell asleep at about 3 am. I had to wake up at 6, to be at the hospital for rounds at 7:15. I woke up grumpy and a little pissy. I just wanted to sleep a few more minute. I was a GROUCH this morning!! (I'm just now transforming into a semi-morning person, but that's when I have to be up at 8). ANYWAY... I grumbled and griped ALLL the 3 miles to the hospital. I frowned and bitched to myself the full 1 minute walk from the parking lot to the S-ICU. I find the patient, go in, check vitals and make my notes. As I'm reading the notes, my whole attitude changed, and tears came to my eyes... (I had to suck it up though... no crying in this field... AT LEAST not in the patient's rooms and stuff). The patient was as follows:

*Motor vehichle accident on 11/5/09. Birthdate 11/13/79. This meant that she is 10 days older than me. This means she'll be celebrating her 30th birthday in the hospital... yes- the wreck and injuries are that bad...

* Several lacerations to the face. Two HUGE 'flaps' in her forehead, one in the shape of a 'J' and the other a backwards 'J', a split eyelid (eye ball was okay- or so they suspect for now)

*She was in bilateral traction Broken hips..yes, count 'em TWO and one was wwwaay worse than the other.

*AND NOW- the kicker: one nice warm, slightly swollen hand. One hard, cold, purple, stiff hand. Seems okay? Ummm NO- that hard, cold, purple, stiff, hand was very indicitave of a hand that had lost it's blood supply and that had set up rigor. As it was at about 7:45 am, the arm was pronounced 'dead' and was going to be the topic of discussion with the patient and parents later than morning- the discussion of amputation.

That's when I had my 'moment'. I sat there thinking... 'how dare me complain about being a little tired. How dare me gripe and bitch about having to go to work early. I dare me complain when I was still able to walk. I wasn't on a ventilator. I wasn't in a position to lose my arm. I didn't have huge scars across my face. I didn't have to worry about having to learn to walk again during my 30th birthday. WHY WAS I COMPLAINING?!?!? This patient- again 10 days older than me, her ONLY complaint was that her feet were cold and she wanted us to cover her feet! Despite her condition, she didn't have any complaints! She was just happy to be alive- pieced togehter, but happy. I was there- healthy and complaing! How dare me?!?!? (sigh). It made me go back to the little saying of:

It doesn't matter now bad you think your situation is. There is ALWAYS somebody out there in a worse situation, and would give anything to be in your 'bad' situation because your 'bad' situation would be a hell of an improvement for them.

It took that young lady's tragedy for me to see my blessing. We health and ambulation for granted far too often. I guess, sometimes it takes a slap in the face like today to remind us from time to time...

The Black Face again... geeze!

2009-11-03T22:07:00.000-06:00

The Black-Face Debate... How do you feel?

So, today I was browsing the net and ran across the latest 'black-face' issues. A Dallas Cowboy cheerleader was 'suspended' for going to a Halloween party as rapper 'Lil Wayne (see pic and link below)

http://deadspin.com/5394350/the-situation-where-a-dallas-cowboys-cheerleader-appeared-in-blackface-for-halloween-will-probably-not-end-well

Now, IF you think the way I do, I'm wondering.... what happens to the other people in the picture dressed as Hispanics? Do they get in trouble for painting their faces brown? Is that now also 'racism'?

My Take On This:

Yes, I am aware of the 'history' of the whole black-face thing... at least some of it. If you need to read up on it, I've included a link: http://etext.virginia.edu/railton/huckfinn/minstrl.html . Is Black-face offensive to me as a black woman? Well, for me (again- I say FOR ME..as in MY PERSONAL OPINION...as in I'm NOT SPEAKING on behalf of ALL black people..as in I'm not saying another person's opinion is 'wrong'... ) For me, it's only offensive sometimes. When is that you may ask? Well, I think if a person dresses in black-face to negatively imitate, poke fun at, belittle, blatantly disrespct a black person, then yes- that's disrespectful. An example of what I'm referring to would be: If a non-black person dresses as a slave for Halloween, that would kinda piss me off. If he or she opts to exaggerate the facial features (making the lips HUGE and PINK), and using the dialect of the whole 'yes suh', 'naw suh', yess'um, and so on....then THAT to me is EXTREMELY offensive. Or, if someone (non-black) dressed as President Obama in "black face" and instead of wearing a suit, they wore 'thug gear' (thug gear by MY definition= baggy over sized clothes), with braids, and walked around greeting other party goers as 'massa' or what not... THAT to me would be offensive. If someone (non-black) dressed as Oprah in 'black face' with booty shorts, different colored weave, long finger nails, and gold teeth, THAT would be offensive to me.

Now- what 'black face' wouldn't be offensive to me? Example: THIS CHEERLEADER... dressed as a black rapper for HALLOWEEN. I mean, seeing, her I wouldn't have IMMEDIATELY guessed 'Lil Wayne, after she announced it, I can 'kinda' see it. After all, it WAS Halloween. I've seen NO photos of her being 'disrespectful' of 'Lil Wayne. (Mind you, I wasn't at the party, so I don't know what all went on...I am ONLY basing my opinion on the photos that I've seen via internet). She was white... she didn't didn't have dread locs, she wasn't a rapper, she didn't have 'grillz'... SOOO in order to get the 'look' of a black rapper with dreads and a grill, she kinda HAD to do a little 'make up' right? Another example (as stated in previous paragraph), if a non black person dressed as President Obama 'in black face', but had big ears, dressed in a suit, just 'hanging' out AT a costume party, giving people the 'fist bump'...I don't see the problem. He is a black man with big ears, who did the fist bump A LOT during his campaign. If someone (non-black) dressed as Oprah (in black face) for a Halloween party, with long black hair (weave or not), a nice dress and a microphone, and a wad of cash as props, and just chillin... I don't see a problem with that. After all she is a black talk show host (microphone) with a KAJILLIONZ of dollars! (Oh..in my Obama/Oprah expamples..when I say 'and just chillin- I'm meaning just hanging out, no stupidity, no 'stereotypical disrespectful phrases' and what not...)

I even read an article somewhere where Hary Conick, Jr was offended after seeing an Australian game show (similar to the Gong Show), where a group of non-blacks dressed in Black-Face as the Jacksons. Where is the 'immitation is the sincerest form of flattery'? I will admit I didn't read the whole article, so I'm not sure if they were being disrespectful as the Jacksons or if they just 'competed' as the Jacksons. IF they only competed as the Jacksons, then, again, WHERE is the problem? (then again, if they dressed as the Jacksons in black face with the painted on exaggerated pink lips and the 'naw suh', yess'm dialect..then that's different.)

Now...how do YOU feel about this? Am I crazy to not be overly sensitive about the black face thing? Am I a 'sell out' to my african american people for not being offended by a girl dressing up as a black rapper on a day desiginated for 'DRESS UP'?

Although I do ask your take on it, I don't think I'm crazy! LOL I mean I know racism is real. I was born and raised in South Mississippi- I've experienced some things first hand...so YES racism IS in deed real. BUT in my experiences- I've found/feel that a lot of the racial problems are because some of us (black people) LOOK for reasons to shout and cry racism. Some cries are most certainly legitimate. Other, are just noise in my opinion. There is NOTHING I hate more than to hear young black people say things like 'yeah, they gave the job to that white dude just cause he was white.' I can't TELL you the number of times I've heard this. THEN when I bring up the issue of 'well, when you went to the interview, did you present yourself in the best light possible? Did you go clean cut and well groomed? Did you wear well fitting clothes, nice shirt and tie? Did you speak as best you could?' I get the crazy look of 'oh, you just spoiled and you're a sell out... you got it easy because of who your parents are'. THAT, I do take offense to! Why? Because my parents are NOT celebs...not even on a local level. What they are are a teacher in the public school system, and a technician who saw fit for them to raise my sister and I up in a world where we'd be equipt enough to compete on all levels in all aspects of life with people of ANY race, sex, or socio-economic status- and fair very well! Now- unfortunately for some of my fellow black people, they don't know HOW to interview for jobs. They don't know HOW to dress properly for a job because far too many times their parents were never gainfully employed enough to know how to teach them to do better. My issue with this is- THERE ARE MEANS to get answers and help. That's why I don't typically have sympathy for those who mope around complaining about 'not having a job because the white man got it just because he was white'. Ewww that irks my nerves! My gosh 'my people'... ask questions... try to improve... do your best... stop expecting things to be handed to you! YES- our people were slaves at one point and time. YES- it's been tough on us as a people to get ahead... BUT YES- opportunities today that are presented to white America are also presented to Black America (well, not all, but wwwaaayyy more than not- again, that is just my opinion). Yes- America hasn't always been kind to us. No- America isn't going to pay YOU for back time because your great great great great great great grandpa was a slave. N0- not many people are going to feel sorry for you just because you are from the lineage of slaves and give you a job as CEO of a company... We gotta do better. We've GOT to get up and get out and promote ourselves as our BEST selves to get the BEST jobs for a BETTER life. (sigh) Okay, I think I'm done with my preaching now! I turned this one into something TOTALLY different that what I thought I was going to start it LOL... but anyway, it's said now...

Finally... back to original Black-Face topic- I found this link about another black face incident. http://gothamist.com/2009/11/01/blackface_costume_gets_student_sent.php I'm still out on my decision about how I feel about this one. Until I decide... you tell me how you feel... mkay?!?

What is a 'Hoe'

2009-10-25T23:25:00.001-05:00

So,

I was browsing the blogs and ran across an interesting read (can't remember the blog now, but when I do I'll post his link..). Anyway, one of the blogs spawned comments that lead to an age old debate: 'a hoe or not'. There was question about if you are dating someone, do you share your 'number' or not. If you don't share your number does that make you 'slutty' or 'whore-ish' by default? If you DO share your number and it was a GIGANTIC number from your past, are you STILL that 'slut puppy' from then or are you the you now?

My take on this is:
If you are dating someone, don't ask about a stupid 'number of past partners'. I think it's perfectly okay to talk about safe sex practices. I mean I don't really wanna know that the dreamy guy I'm dating has slept with 100 women!!!! However, I'd certainly like to know that if he did sleep with that many, that he wrapped his 'member' up each time... that's more important to me than the number. I'm afraid the number would 'scare me off' or 'put up walls' to knowing a POTENTIALLY good guy now who USED to be a man-whore.

This is the hypothetical scenario I pose when in this kind of discussion:
You are let's say 40 years old, single and looking. You meet a 35 year old. You guys hit it off very well, date for months and months and months. You two decide to go 'further' with your relationship by introducing sex, so of course the 'sex' talk comes into the convo more often. Let's say, you two decide to discuss numbers. Let's say the woman who is 35, admits to sleeping with 30 men in her youner days. Are you now turned off? Do you wanna know more? If she continues to say "yeah, I had a pretty tough teenage and young adult life. I didn't know my self worth and self value. I was looking for someone to love me and I too often transposed 'sex' for the 'love' I was seeking. That was a sad time in my life when I was about 17-21, but I've been celibate now for about 7 straight years. I've grown so much. I know my worth and my value now... and well, I haven't had sex with anyone yet because I haven't found anyone I've deemed worthy enough of me.. until maybe now'. What now? Is she still a hoe? Is she 'redeemed'? What?

What is that 'magic' number that solidifies one as a 'whore'? I mean to some more than 3 could mean the biggest whore in the world! To some more than 20 wouldn't matter at all... so again I ask.. What is a Hoe? (or Whore for everybody who refuses to read and use 'slang' LOL)

You know you grew up in a black church if...

2009-10-18T16:55:00.000-05:00

If you can you fill in the blanks!!

Don't cheat!!!

"First giving ______ to God, who is the _______ of my life, I'd like to say I'm glad to be in the ________ of the Lord one mo' time. Cause he brought me from a ___long_____. I coulda been dead, sleeping in my________, but God is_______ all the ________, and all the_____, God is _______. He's a _______ over troubled waters. He's a mother to the ________, and a_________to the ________ __, a doctor in a ________ room, and a___________ in the courtroom! (smile) He's the_______ of the valley, a bright and ________star He got up early one __________ mon'ing,with all __________ in his _______. Pray for me that I grow _________ in the Lord." Also, as you look in your church_______, under the special _________ please keep in your prayer _______ Sista Buela-Mae Jenkins who will be having her ________ surgery this week. And while you give your tithes and _______ we humbly ask that you contribute to the church_______ fund and we will be celebrating the pastor's fifteenth________ so anybody please who serves on the _______ board please meet in the ________ following_________. And the women's auxiliary will be selling ________ dinners for $7.00 a _____ along with the youth ______ who will be having their annual ______ sale to help fund their trip to the national youth ministry_______in Tennessee this summer. Parents please be _______that vacation_______school begins June 19, please have your child________ by May 13.

You knew them all, if not most of them, didn't you?!!! You must go to or grew up in a black church!

ANSWERS BELOW:

"First giving honor to G0d, who is the head of my life, I'd like to say I'm glad to be in the house of the Lord one mo' time. Cause he brought me from a mighty long way. I coulda been dead, sleeping in my grave, but God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good. He's a bridge over troubled waters. He's a mother to the motherless, and a father to the fatherless, a doctor in a ;sick room, and a lawyer in the courtroom. He's the lily of the valley, a bright and shining star He got up early one Sunday mon'ing,with all power in his hands. Pray for me that I grow stronger in the Lord." Also, as you look in your church bulletin, under the special announcements please keep in your prayer request Sista Buela-Mae Jenkins who will be having her hip surgery this week. And while you give your tithes and offerings we humbly ask that you contribute to the church building fund and we will be celebrating the pastor's fifteenth anniversary so anybody please who serves on the usher board please meet in the sanctuary following services. And the women's auxiliary will be selling chicken dinners for $7.00 a plate along with the youth choir who will be having their annual bake sale to help fund their trip to the national youth ministry convention in Tennessee this summer. Parents please be mindful that vacation Bible school begins June 19, please have your child registered by May 13.

You knew them all, if not most of them, didn't you?!!! You must go to a black church! IF YOU MISSED MORE THAN 3 YOU NEED TO BE IN CHUCH NEXT SUNDAY!!!

...Venting and venting... just No passion and no purpose! WHY?!?!

2009-10-16T18:24:00.001-05:00

~ Passion and purpose go hand in hand. When you discover your purpose, you will normally find it’s something you’re tremendously passionate about. ~Steve Pavlina

**I like to think that the majority of us do what ever we do in life out of passion and or neccessity. Right? Some of us are actually blessed enough to have careers that suits a portion of our 'purpose' in life and fits right along wiht some of our passions. For example, for as long as I can remeber, I've always said I wanted to be a doctor. As a kid, I never really cared what kind of doctor, but I just knew I wanted to help people. I agree that there are several jobs and careers that help people, but being a 'doctor' seemed grande to me. I set my plan into motion and years later I am just that!
**My personality is over all can be described as all of these descriptions 'helpful person', 'friendly', and 'passionate about life and people'. I AM a people person. I LOVE helping people when and how I can.
**When I started dental school, it wasn't easy at all. Several times I thought about giving up. I didn't though, because my desire to want to be a doctor to live out one of my purposes in life of helping people wouldn't die. So now that I've graduated, I'm really having a blast doing what I love!
**Every patient I've treated, I've done my very best at it. I'm not afraid to say sometimes 'you know what, I'm not very sure about this procedure, so you can give me a few days to read up on it, or I can try to find you another dentist who can get it done ASAP." Or I'm never afraid to ask for help when I need it. I feel like if asking for help and seeking 'team work' is best for my patient and would benefit them then I'm all for it. I've treated a variety of patients. Healthy ones. Little ones. Fat ones. Some with great teeth. Some with HORRIBLE teeth. Some with NO TEETH. Rich ones. Poor ones. Intelligent ones. Not-so intelligent ones. Deaf ones. Mentally retarded (MR) ones- and the list goes on. EACH patient, I treated just the same. With compassion and with a desire to address his or her dental concerns TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY! I didn't do a better job on the rich patient than I did on the poor patient just because of finances. I didn't give the MR patients inferior care and the intelligent one superior care. That's just not me.
**Now I've pretty much said all of this because of something that happened today. Fridays are our Operating Room procedure days. Today was no different. My co-residents and I prepare for the case. We take radiographs. A quick (re)exam. Scrub in. Get to work. Today was a little different in that we did composite restoration along with extractions. (Typically it's just a cleaning and extractions). Our patient today was a young 21 year old. He had a motercycle accident a year ago, which left him paralyzed from the shoulder area down. He couldn't talk. He was fed through a PEG tube (which means he didn't use his mouth to eat...) Well, this young guy had some dental issues going on prior to the accident, that had gotten worse afterwards. Our job today was to repair what needed to be repaired, and remove what needed to be removed (of course after consulting with his family). So there were 3 of us today. One resident was a runner, 2 of us scrubbed in for the procedure. One of us did the restorations and one of us did the extractions (me). Well, in the midst of the procedure, some things were said that are not resting very easy with me. My co-resident started doing some work (some work that was of a lesser quality than what I feel he's capable of doing). I don't like to 'question' a person's methods of work, but I will 'hint' or 'ask questions' if I feel something can be improved. (Example: Instead of saying: You should use this instrument. I'd say "Hey, do you want to try using this one?")
**Anyway. On a particular procedure (that I questioned), his (the operator) response was 'why, I mean he's paralyzed, he can't use his mouth, why should I ". THAT pissed me off! BUT he does have a weird sense of humor, so I brushed it off as such for a second...until it happened again 3 mintues later. At another procedure, someone else in the OR 'suggested' a method (because it should be done...not wrong to NOT, but more benificial TO do it..). The (the operator) responded: 'I mean seriously, does it really matter if I do this like this or not? I mean, he can't eat. His teeth are just 'THERE'. I mean this guy doesn't and can't use his teeth so why should I be so concerned about this"? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! why should you be concerned?!?!? BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR JOB YOU MORON! Your job is to treat dental issues! YOU signed on for this! Your job is to RESTORE teeth to proper function and proper occlusion REGARDLESS of how the patient can or will use his/her teeth! I don't care if this young man can NEVER IN THE REST OF HIS LIFE put his teeth together again. I don't care if this young man is paralyzed. He is STILL a person. He is STILL a patient. I am still his dental care provider. I am to restore and repair! I just don't know if I can look at him (the operator) the same anymore...at least not right now. I mean those comments today made me feel like he has no passion for dental work. No passion for helping people with dental problems. Makes me wonder, is he really just in it for the money?!? Money is good, but I think I'd rather be at a job I enjoy, a job I'm passionate about and not make as much than make boatloads or money at a job I couldn't care less about. (sigh)

...so today I look like a gorilla!

2009-10-15T18:36:00.001-05:00

Here we go again!

Today was a scheduled IV sedation case. Typically, these cases are reserved for patients requiring full mouth extractions, multiple tooth extractions, MR patients, or severly anxious patients.

Today's patient, who I will refer to as Ms. Bully, for privacy matters, HAD to be the most interesting case I've ever had the pleas..eerr umm... I've ever had to work with!

Ms. Bully had a reputation for being pretty brash, and inappropriate at times. She had been described as a 'know it all' and had been described as extremely demanding. She was INDEED a bully! No problem though, because I've dealth with those kinds before, and I was pretty good with calming patients down and getting them ready for their surgeries. Well Ms. Bully was the exception. The appointment went a little something like this.

Ms. Bully's appointment time: 8:00am... she shows up at 8:30am. She is to check in with the nurses and get her vitals recorded, then to my chair for me to do an H&P, then start her IV line. Well at 8:45am, the nurses told me they were finished with vitals and wondered if I had seated her. I hadn't in fact. So, Ms. Bully is missing- for almost 20 minutes. She finally makes it to my chair, and I begin the patient interview.

Me: Hey, how are you today? Well, before we get started on the procedure, I have to do a little interview, find out somethings first.

Ms. Bully: Wait... looka here, I need you to know that demerol does NOT work for me at all... so ya'll gonna have to do something more for me...sh*t!

Me: Well, we'll get to that in a few minutes . Okay, so I have a few papers for you to sign.

Ms. Bully: (OBVIOUSLY nervous- sweating, extremely talkative and fidgety). Umm hmm, I ain't crazy, these the papers in case ya'll kill me in here, I'll sign this and it'll say that ya'll are innocent and sh*t. You know my sister is a lawyer and I have a degree in psychology, went to undergrad at the age of 16.

Me: no ma'am. This form is just saying that you have agreed to undergo moderate sedation for this procedure. This one is just saying that you agree that we will take out these teeth. This one is saying that you realize you'll be a little groggy afterwards, and that you are aware that you shouldn't make any important decisions immediately after surgery. And finally, this one is the post-op instructions that I'm about to go over with you.

Ms. Bully: Awww hell! This that sh*t that say I can't smoke for blah blah blah time huh? Well does weed count? Is that smoking? Hey, I'm obviously gay right?

Me: You got it! You can't smoke for at least a week...INCLUDING weed and...

Ms. Bully: Hmphf. I know you heard me...you know I'm gay huh? well look, umm you single? when you getting married? Naw, seriously though I'm glad I just went outside and rolled me a fatty before I came back up here!

Me: Ummm, excuse me- what did you just say? Ma'am, did you really? I need to know if you've used ANYTHING in the last 24 hours. And I don't care if you're gay, just wanna get you comfy so we can get your teeth taken care of okay..haha, ummm okay, well, lay back and let's get started.

Ms. Bully: what happens if I can't NOT smoke for a week? What's gonna happen.

Me: Well, there's a really good chance that you could develop a dry socket. And it's painful! Can't really be treated by OTC, you'll have to come in to a dental office and have it treated...

Ms. Bully: can you just give me a lil bit?

Me: No ma'am. You need to not smoke and you won't have that to worry about now will you?!? NOW, please lay back, relax and I'm about to give you a lil happy juice!

Ms. Bully: see girl, I told you this sh*t ain't gone (yawn) work (yawn) for me. I need something stron...ZZZZzzzzZZZzzz

The procedure begins, goes PRETTY well other than the occasional/usual 'ouch', 'uh-uh', 'moan.moan.moan'. Meds were continuously monitored and administered as needed. After such a rough start, with her anxiety and endless questions, flirt attempts, and plain ole inapproptiateness, the top teeth had been taken out and sutures were beginning to be placed, when BAM- it happened...

Ms. Bully: Wait, what the f*uck you doing? you told me I was gonna be sleep during this procedure. Sh*t I'm scared, this ain't what I signed on for. Ya'll need to just stop, I can't handle this sh*t it hurts! I swear it hurts. My sister is lawyer and I have a degree in psychology. I went to college at the age of 16..blah blah blah.

Me: I know Ms. Bully, I know..none of the meds are really helping you at all, BUT by you being here, I have to give the meds to TRY to help out- okay? (all the while knowing that she was JUST snoring!!! classic sedation!)

Ms. Bully: get your ass over here and help me. this boy is hurting me and nobody's trying to help me!

Me: Ms. Bully, you're going to have to try your best to calm yourself down. You being so worked up is working against the sedation meds.

Ms. Bully: Sedation! Sedation? you call this a Sedation! I'm lucid. I'm lucid! I'm as lucid as I was when I defended my thesis! Sh*t I can feel everything ya'll f*cukin doin in my mouth!

Co-Resident (who did the procedure): ma'am, if you could just breathe for me, try to relax and calm down, the meds will work for you and help us all out.

Ms. Bully: F*ck YOU and F*ck this hospital! My sister is a lawyer! ZzzzzzzZZZZ

As we are all recovering from the almost 2 hour ordeal, our assisant calls me into the treatment room where Ms. Bully was supposed to be SITTING down and recovering. I walk in to see Ms. Bully rambling through our dental materials shelf! I saw her grab a few items, read the labels, and place them back. I saw her grab the 'dry socket paste', cut her eye towards our direction, pretend to look out the window and then sit down. I pretended to get gloves from the shelf to find that the dry socket paste was missing! (she had obviously planned to smoke and wanted to steal the paste to keep from coming back to the office when she gave her self dry socket!). One of the assistants was about to call the hospital police when my co-resident walks in...sticks out his hand and says in the CALMEST voice ecer: 'so, I hear you have our dry socket paste...if you do, Imma need that back'.

Ms. Bully: What? I got What? Are you serious? Ya'll sit up here and kill me hurtin my mouth and NOW you accusing me? awww man, but Imma need that though

Co-resident: no, you won't. dont' smoke!

Ms. Bully: that's F*cked up man... I came for ya'll to help my ass and ya'll stressin me more. That's why I hate all of yall!

Co-resident: here is your pain meds script.

Ms. Bully: ha..you think this lil sh*t gonna work for me? Hell naw, I need something stonger and I'm not leaving in pain and not gonna have pain tonight so SOMEBODY gonna get me something that will work!

Co-resident: well guess what? I am that SOMEBODY who you need to talk to. I AM that somebody who is making the call on what you need. You can take it or leave it, but this is it. Take it and manage pain, don't and be in pain!

Ms. Bully: aight, I'll take it...

REMEMBER- this was a moderate sedation case. These patients are typically WAYY too groggy to move on their own until about 30+ minutes afterwards, but this lady, who darn near BEAT all the sedation meds recovered from the meds and was completely ambulatory in about 10 minutes afterwards. She REFUSED a wheelchair and/or escort to downstairs! And BTW- the fact that she did combat the meds so effectly, and caused us to max out the dosages led ME to believe that she may have acutally smoked prior to the procedure. And her difficulty to remain sedated for longer periods of time led ME to believe that she has PROBABLY done a little more than just 'weed' and had done it more recently than she would ever admit - of course, because her sister is a lawyer and she has a degree in psychology LOL, anyway, she leaves all angry, but her bad teeth are out and she'll be much happier and healthier in a few weeks or so. Mind you... 5'5 258 and THAT afraid! College graduate and THAT ignorant and disrespectful! Please understand that I am not trying to down play dental phobias. I KNOW they exist and I KNOW they are real, but an anxious patient who is ALSO a 'know it all' and who is also so 'exacting' is a heck of a mix for a patient to try to manage. Over all though, I think we as a team did a good job to manage her. Lord knows if she had gotten any more aggressive though...whew it would have been smoke in the city!

That just goes to show no matter how big you are, you can still be a big baby. And no matter how many 'degrees' you have, it doesn't always qualify you as intelligent!

AND always remember... If you keep regular maintenance on your teeth (INCLUDING PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTIONS), the pain is slim to none... Ignore your teeth and they WILL go away- and almost certainly NOT pain free!

Just another day in the hood...

2009-10-13T18:31:00.000-05:00

Well today, wasn't much 'drama' per se...
just a little of my ramblings and what not....
#1- I felt so sad for a patient today who came in for some treatment on the Oral Surgery side. I was writing notes at the desk and heard one of the assistants telling somebody 'well it'll be okay, you can just hold on to my prayer book for a little while if it makes you feel better'. I then hear a male's voice respond, ', it's not that easy, I don't have anything, just nothing...only thing I had was my moma and she don't even like me any more... I just need to end it all'. Moments later, they moved the guy into the examination room. Almost immediately, the treating doctor came out of the room and went straight to the phone to dial for the doctor who was on psychiatry rotation to come up ASAP for an evaluation because a patient in the room was 'asking for assistance in killin himself'.
I dont' know why that still throws me off. I think I'm old enough to know that people have problems. That people handle their problems VERY differently, this was just his way of TRYING to cope. Suicidal patients aren't new to me, but each one still rips my heart out, especially knowing that nothing I could say or do was going to deter his intentions. ANYWAY- that was just on my mind...

Secondly- MY patient today. TINY little guy, really quiet, and very patient! (well you have to be patient in teaching hospitals/institutions because procedures tend to take a bit longer than private practice). Anyway, the only thing I really knew about this guy was that he was a 'trauma' patient. He was being treated for a gunshot wound to the face. He had about 7 surgeries to correct his facial wounds over the past few years. Now, he's my patient and I'm just continuing his treatment plan. Well, I learned at Meharry Medical College School of Dentistry that you 'never treat a stranger'. So I always try to get to know my patients. I like to try to be nice enough and calm enough and gentle enough with my patients so that they aren't so anxious about treatments. (Without being a braggart, I have been known to be quite soothing and fair in my treatment rooms...and I've been known to give 'painless injections). Anyway, well today was a little more 'rushed' than others. But for some reason I took a little extra time to hang out in the treatment room this patient was being seen in. My assistant, was just being her friendly self and asked, 'so, you're getting implants right? What happened, did you have an accident?' The patient looked at both of us and said, in his quiet little voice, 'no, it wasn't an accident, I put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger on purpose'. I had my mask on, but my mouth dropped! My assistant's mouth dropped too and all she could muster up was 'are you serious'? He went on to explain that he had attempted the suicide because during Hurricane Katrina, he had lost everything. They came back to New Orleans to try to rebuild but he wasn't able to get a job, so they (his family) went from bad to worse. He said he couldn't take it anymore, not being able to provide for his family. He drank himself into a stupor and shot himself....but didn't die and is ONLY wound was his jaw was fractured! He then went on to tell us how he knows why he didn't die. He said he didn't die because God had a bigger plan for him, and he had accepted that plan- what ever it would be. A few months after his suicide attempt, his daughter-in-law was killed in a car accident- leaving 2 children that his son couldn't take care of (due to his lifestyle). The children had NOWHERE to go, BUT to him (my patient) and his wife. He said that God kept him alive so he could take care of his grandchildren. God wasn't ready for him yet, because God wanted him to work on him self a little while longer, and that his daughter-in-law was an angel on earth and was surely an angel in heaven. NOW- this story (to me) was quite touching, but even more touching for my assistant. She has been going through a bit of trouble with finances and with some things at home. She came to work this morning, eyes red, fatigued, angry, and fussy. I asked if she was okay, and of course she said yes, but went on into what was really wrong. She complained about how bad she had it and how she was tired of trying and how enough was just enough. So, now she's heard my patient's story. By the end of the appointment, she was in tears again. I was worried that she was angry again, so I sent her to the break room and let her have her moment then asked what was wrong. She just simply said 'I always think my problems are big, but then I meet other people with problems too, who can't handle it like I can, and it reminds me of how strong I am and how things HAVE to get better.
That was just on my mind too...how one persons trauma can inspire somebody else to look upwards... and be encouraged.

My first ER call...

2009-10-05T08:28:00.000-05:00

So..While on call this week, I get a call at 4:30am. The emergency, as explained to me via phone, is an 11 year old, bike accident, avulsed tooth and intruded tooth. I ALREADY know this means 'splinting teeth'. Fine right? WRONG! Why? BECAUSE I AIN'T DONE NO DARN SPLINTS! LOL so Imma have to wing it... Well when I get there, my co-resident is already there who knows how to splint teeth so..all is well...I go in the room to talk to the mom (my co-resident had already spoken to her and had already walked out). The convo goes something like this:
Me: Hey, I'm Dr. Trotter, what's going on here?
Mom: Yeah, man, shoot, I'm glad you in here now, maybe I can get some answers. Look, her tooth is over there (in a cup on the table). Can you put it back in? She's only 11! Would you wanna be 11 with a missing tooth?
Me: Okay, I'm going to see what it looks like. There is a possibility to put the tooth back in, but that depends on the time it's been out of the mouth.
Mom: good, cause shoot that other guy was acting like nothng could be done.
Me: so when did this happen?
Mom: oh, yesterday at 4:30 in the afternoon.
Me: Oh, about 12 hours ago, huh? Well that certainly changes the chances of us saving that tooth. Typically you wanna get those back ASAP, and by ASAP I mean IMMEDiATELY... an hour at the latest!
Mom: but she only 11, would you wanna go without a tooth at 11?
Me: No ma'am, I wouldn't but the chances of this tooth replanting is slim to non at 13 hours.

I go to the lil girl sleeping on the chair. I say 'hey 'Lil Missy', how are you? She wakes up and instantly starts to cry.

I talk to her a little bit. We had about 3 minutes of 'it's okay, imma try to help you blah blah blah' talk before she calmed down enough to let me look in her mouth. I look in and I see what appeared to be 2 missing teeth. One of em was on the table and I couldn't figure out where that other front tooth was. I try to look and she snatches away (anticipating pain). I say Lil Missy, did you lose 2 teeth or just one? She said 'just one, the other one feel like it's in my nose'. I get a mirror and look again and bam- there it was! Sooooo at this point my job is to pull that tooth back down and put a splint on the teeth to keep them stable. BUT I have to anesthetize her first. I prepare to do that and what happens? She goes bananas! LOL COMPLETLY CUH-RAZY! LOL I coaxed her enough to let me at least 'spray sleepy juice' on her gums with no stick. When she trusted me enough on that, she didn't realize I had actually injected her a few times. When she saw the needle though, she went crazy again. I stopped and asked 'Lil Missy, have you ever gotten in trouble in church and your Granny or Moma pinched you?' She shook her head 'yeah' through a flood of tears. I said 'well look, this is going to feel like a little pinch. Like that pinch, the sting is going to go away fast and it will make your whole mouth feel better, will you trust me to pinch your gums for a second?" She agreed, but wanted to hold her mom's hand. Mom came up and I told Lil Missy, 'if it doesn't feel good, squeeze yoru mom's hand as hard as possible!' Her mom asked her 'you wanna pray while she does the SHOT'? Lil Missy started to cry again and said "YEAH..We gotta pray hard moma", Her moma gave me the nod, and started to pray, during that injection, Lil Missy didn't move a bit, didn't whimper a bit, didn't feel a thing! (Don't tell me there isn't power in prayer!). After that one, she looked at me and said 'I can't feel nothing now, are we done'? I told her now and proceded to fish for that tooth. She got a little ansy and asked through her whimpers, 'Hey, miss..this hurt so bad, you just don't know... you ever had a shot in your mouth'? I said "if you let me finish, I'll tell you a story after we finish...deal?' She agreed and I finished up the procedure. Pulled #9 down into place and stuck #8 back in there (with no confidence of it replanting). I splinted them all together (with the help of my co-resident). Stitched her up and we wer done. When I finished, she said 'oooh, miss, you done?' I tell her yeah and she said 'I gotta pee, but don't leave you said you had a story to tell me.' I do paper work and chit chat with her mom about the prognosis of that tooth and future treatment options. Moments later Lil Missy walks back in and says 'Miss, can I eat when I leave?' I say 'yeah, but only soft foods, soups and mashed potatoes'. She said 'ohh miss, can I drink'? I said 'you can drink any thing you like except alcohol'! She died laughing and said 'Moma, she funny, I like her and she didn't even hurt'. I said 'umm hmm told you... you wasted all those tears for nothing didn't you?'. She laughed and said, "umm hmm I shole did!' Then she said 'wait, miss, what about the story you said you had'? I said 'okay, when I was about 10 or 11, I was playing baseball and I got hit in the mouth with a baseball. I was kinda like you. I was all fussy, I was crying and going crazy. I was so crazy that my dad had to sit on me so the doctors could fix me, so I knew how you felt, that's why I was tyring to talk to you and help you calm down'. She said 'ahh, so you got fake teeth?' I said 'no, i had braces kinda like what we put on you and my teeth are fine now because I did what the doctor told me.' She said 'oh okay, Imma do what you say to do, cause I want all my teeth when I grow up and Imma be a doctor like you cause you were nice. You a DENNIS now cause you had did this when you were little?'. I said 'as a matter of fact, yes, that had a lot to do with me wanting to become a dentist'. She hugged me and then said 'wait, Imma be a model AND a doctor too, can I do that?' I said 'yeah girl, do what ever you wanna do!!! But you gotta start my keeping good grades in school.' She said 'oh yeah, I do good in school, but umm look, do I GOTTA go to school tomorrow? you see my lip!?' Told her she could go tomorrow if she wanted to, but it was up to her and her mom. She gave me a high five and I left!I left feeling darn proud of myself! LOL I managed a fussy kid, who after injections said I was nice and funny and wanted to be like me! awwww!

2009-10-04T22:26:00.000-05:00

I'm currently in my residency program in New Orleans at LSU. As part of my program, we do call rotations. I'm on ER call right now. We also do Operating Room cases every Friday, I've done 3 so far. Two of these particular cases kinda stand out for me. One because it was cute, and other because it really broke my heart. I'll start on the 'down side'.

***To not identify the patient, I'll use fictional names and will refrain from 'specifics' about the patient... not trying to get into any legal troubles while trying to share my experiences***

Patient "Mr. Man" presents to our clinic for clearance for radiation therapy. (I didn't know what this was either until I made it to LSU). Anyway, "Mr. Man" presented with Posterior pharyngeal cancer, and other health issues. Our main concern was to get the bad teeth out so that he could start his radiation treatment. I'm not a physician, but this poor man looked like he was ankle deep in a grave. He had a trach tube also. WELL on the first day he came in, I was a little sick on tummy. I go in to do my little patient interview. I walk in notice this hugggeee mass on his neck and am like 'WELL SHEESH!' (to my self of course). I begin my interview: "Mr. Man, what brings you in today'. "Mr. Man' takes a breath in and HUFFS out a response: my teeth, need radiation'. Instantly I caught a whiff of that bile smelling breath and had to make up and excuse to leave the room so I could gather my thoughts. I say 'Mr. Man, I'll be right back, I need to grab another form'. I walk out calmly until I got around the corner- then broke into a full out jog to the bathroom where I proceded to release my breakfast! I then went to the resident's room and asked for back up! My co-resident goes in to complete the exam. Scheduled Mr. Man for IV sedation in a week.

I was away at an off site rotation and found out later that Mr. Man was unable to under go his IV extractions due to difficulty breathing. Now Mr. Man is scheduled for OR extractions. GREAT- Friday morning, OR day. Patient is to present at 5:30am to check in and get worked up for surgery, surgery scheduled to begin 7am. 6:00am we can't find the patient. His group home personelle says he's at the hospital..but we can't find him. Finally at 7am, a nurse says 'ya'll waiting on Mr. Man? He's sitting outside'. I run downstairs to find Mr. Man and his care giver outside... Mr. Man in obvious pain. I get them to the check in floor, they give him pain meds until surgery time. Needless to say, our 7am time was bumped, and we started surgery at 10am.

Mr. Man is in the OR, we prep for the procedure, before we touch him our faculty memeber is like 'STOP!- dont' touch him, get Oral Surgery down here, this patient has what I believe to be an impending Ludwig's Angina!'. Oral surgery comes in checks things out, agrees to take over the case after we extract. We start procedure (27 teeth..all severly periodontally involved..) teeth pop out like popcorn pop, pop, pop, pop... blah blah blah... We're done! He's in recovery. I get a page.. 'Mr. Man won't stop bleeding'. I go back to recovery to try to handle that situation. Get it fixed, and go home.

Phone rings.. co-resident on the phone: 'they [oral surgery] want you to round with them on tomorrow morning about Mr. Man'. Cool- I'm doing rounds in the morning at 7am with the oral surgeons. I get to the hospital, find Mr. Man, I peek in the window and notice him trying to get up... I open the door and BAM!!! FFFUUUNNKKK flipped me back out the room! I had to gather myself again and ask 'Mr. Man, are you okay?" Because he has a trach tube he can't talk, so he communicated to me by pointing... and he points to his nakedness and a pile of ummm POO he was stewing in in that hot room! (ummm EWWW was all I could say). I remained as professional as possible and reported it to his nurse (at 7:30ish). We make it to his room for rounds at about 8:30am to find the nurses JUST getting to this poor man. It was pretty much determined that this poor fella would probably not make it much further than a treatment or two of radiation, but we had done our part to try to get him ready for his next phase of treatment. NOW- with all of the light hearted stuff aside, on to the part that breaks my heart:
#1- why would someone not try to seek dental help? He was living in an 'insitution' for years, and they never thought to get him any dental care!!!! We (dentists or SOMEBODY) could have POSSIBLY gotten those HORRIBLE teeth out months ago and he could have POSSIBLY started his other therapies MONTHS ago- that could have possibly improved his condition somewhat? WHY people WHY?
#2-WHY did it take an HOUR for somebody to come help this poor fella get cleaned up? He's barely ambulartoy, and he can't exactly call the nurses and TELL them what's wrong. He can't speak! AND when I told the nurses (twice), I get this response the 2nd time 'well miss, look, we have things to do, we can't just stop what we are doing to go clean up one patient. When my aide gets done, then we'll go take care of that, we are aware of the situation'. WTF! Your aide is putting blankets in a closet! What can't she stop about that for a few minutes? YOU are stapling some papers.. .WHAT can't you stop about that for a few minutes to help this poor man?!? Anyway, but this time the Oral Surgeon Chief walks up, and I immediately tell him the situation. He went to the nurses and pretty much lit a fire under em and they got Mr. Man cleaned up. I just don't get it... what ever happened to human kindness? If that was YOUR father, brother, uncle, cousin sitting in there, unable to speak and stewing in POOP, would YOU want a nurse to say 'I gotta get my blankets put up first'? Are you SERIOUS PEOPLE!! Have we lost touch with humanity? SHEESH... anyway, that's the end of that story... I think Imma write the other story in another note because this one is quite lengthy! LOL the next one is a little better though! LOL Peace out HomeFries until next time